男の人は食べています。

男の人は食べています。

I can breathe again.

SomeThing Happening Last Night.
SomeThing Changed Last Night.

A Return To Me.

Healed. Recovered.

I've been sick for about a week now. Real nasty cough compounded with really congested sinus. I'm no slouch. Rest. Fluids. Spicy Food. It's been slow goin', which is not something I'm used to. Oh how the mighty have fallen. Usually my inhuman immune system renders any sickness void in fewer than 72 hours. Not this time around. Perhaps it was to reacquaint me with my humanity or perhaps there was a reason for it well beyond that.

I had some pretty dense dreams last night, and unlike usually where I can recall every minute detail with perfect clarity, last night's subconscious shenanigans were quite blurry. I can only recall bits and pieces. Again, I can really only refer to this feeling as "human." This is what it's like for the rest of you guys, huh? My goodness I can see how frustrating that would be. I often take my gifts for granted, this being one of them. Being a serial (and often unwanted) lucid dreamer the grass of non-lucid dreams seems greener. It's just different grass is all. You guys are jealous of my ability to control and remember my dreams. I was jealous of you lot for having dreams independent of conscious control that fade upon waking. Indeed it was and is a major reason I supplement with cannabis. It dampens the intensity and amount of dreams I dream during the night and pushes them from my mind faster when I awake.

You desire the ability to control and recall, I desire the ability to participate and forget.

Well, this is one instance where I'm missing my natural set of attributes and feeling stymied by my seeming inability to consciously reactivate them.

One day perhaps, once and for all, I will do myself and the world a favor and empirically determine which grass is actually greener. Until then, I'm content to discuss shades and hues and appreciate the differences therein.

The portions of last night's mental magic that I've got a hold on are fragmented, illusory and too vague to be immediately interpreted. Granted that does not dictate that some parts are quite easy to break down amid easily replaying them.

In no particular order, I remember 3 "main" "parts."

There was a monstrously high and tall corporate building that two men worked in or maybe were just meeting in. I say "there was" because I had no direct connection to either of them, nor did I experience any of this "part" from either of their first person perspectives. I was more just a roving observer taking it in. Lacking my usual lush and descriptive language I am going to have to do my best to paint a picture in your mind missing the colors and brushes used to paint them in the first place. There was some sort of a tension to their meeting and it seemed to be a high-stakes one. The one guy I can clearly remember and describe as basically muscular Greg from Dharma and Greg, wearing black slacks and shoes and a light blue button-down rebelliously rolled at the sleeves and worn with no tie or jacket. In the dream this carried the nuance of only him being permitted to dress in this manner in a hypocritical, unspoken, and tenuous way.

There was another man, looking very similar, but tanner, shorter and far more ripped. In the face I seem to recall him looking a lot like the other guy, but the details are, reluctantly, admittedly, hazy. So in the sake of brevity a fitting description might be slightly-latino Greg from Dharma and Greg, haha.

They were discussing things in a very heated yet relaxed manner, as most high-level board-room conversations between two high-powered executives are conducted in real life. A dueling banjoes dynamic began to develop as each tried to one-up the others' proposal or idea, and the longer this continued the more sexual tension began to build. Eventually, as somewhat anticipated at this point the conversation devolved into direct comparisons of appearance. They fiercely named the muscles and movements responsible for their development in an attempt to impress and overwhelm the other to no avail. They punctuated such observations with others about clothing and its source and cost.

The "climax" of this "dream-scene" was represented in a urgent embrace from Greg to Latino-Greg to which Latino-Greg promptly, gently yet firmly cautioned "You're being bossy." In retrospect, that moment changes the rest of the way I remember Greg's initial character. Indeed retroactively his whole personality seems tainted by this exchange. Prior to this point the powerplay dynamics asserting themselves seemed openly tipped in Greg's favor, at this point however it was clear that Latino-Greg had been "in charge" the whole time.

After a rapidfire exchange of boasting one's own qualities while attempting to point out the other's in a way that highlighted one's own, they moved closer and began more intensely examining one another's sartorial choices in the same fierce way they'd been highlighting one another's flesh-suits.

The "true climax" of this moment came when after a compliment on his pectorals from L-G, G un-buttoned his shirt as if to say "Yes. Revel in them and be overtaken by them!" L-G didn't bat an eye as he deftly flicked the button necessary to reveal his own rippling chest, to which G was very much unable to hide the fact that he was genuinely impressed. That prompted the situation to come to a head and Greg tenderly embraced Latino-Greg's neck and upper shoulders in a searching manner preceding a kiss. Latino-Greg neither moved no reciprocated, rather he issued the stern "You're being bossy." Which caused a stern Greg to immediately recoil and recoup. Unable to decide whether he was dejected or intrigued, the character's pacing back and forth in distance from the other's represents the subtle waves washing ashore and flowing back out to sea way in which the memory breaks down and fades away for me.

The symbolism in this one is the most easily read for me. Recently I excised one toxic relationship from my life whilst reuniting with a beneficial one unfortunately moved away from some time ago. In short, I traded one player for another.

Clearly this scene was merely an on-the-nose metaphor for the power play dynamics between myself and these two other men. Less clear however is who was represented by whom, and for what amount of time. Like I advise most of you coming to me for dream interpretation, I must simply not think on it directly and allow myself to subconsciously search through it as I go about my day. A lot easier said than done! I'll keep that in mind next time I'm downplaying its difficulty!

The other 2 main acts are far more disjointed and ambiguous still. As such, my descriptions of them will be fittingly brief and woefully underdeveloped.

At one point I was on a different version of earth or perhaps a rare corner of the actual globe covered in resort and obstacle-course style trappings. Honestly, a pretty typical dream setting for me that I've come to anticipate and have grown quite familiar and comfortable with. Another familiar theme is that it began being invaded by "others." Unlike normally where I could plainly describe them, a blurry sorta-aliens-or-sorta-insects-or-sorta-monsters-or-something-but-definitely-not-humans is really the best I can do! They swarmed upon the resort and most fled or were shot down. A HUD appeared and whether it was self-generated and percieved or a feature from the resort remains to be seen or known, a beeping and red highlight along with awareness of peripheal vision warned me of an "Invader" coming in hot on my 3 o'clock, and unlike normally where I manifest some sort of strength, weapon, or magic, I winced and covered up and crouched in fear. This is not in and of itself unique or ground-breaking as many of my nightmares are categorized not by gore, pain, or dying but by rather not knowing how or refusing to fight back. THAT for me is the true nightmare. This was no different. However in this "nightmare moment" I did something I'm not sure I've done since I was a kid. I "paused" the dream. I spontaneously became lucid and froze the rest of the action into a 3D diorama I was free to navigate at my whim. Hence why I can recall this part with so much clarity. I "woke up." Not enough to open my physical eyes in reality but just enough to bring me back to center on my character overlapping reality and non-reality. I do not cower. I do not fear. I am Josh Vish. I do not back down. I fight back. Consciously holding all that in mind, I unpaused and promptly decked the offending Invader out of the air and several hundred feet away. From that point on the action/visuals fade into a standard battle being won by one side possessing a mighty warrior doing most of the work.

The symbolism best ascertained from this is "believe in yourself and you will be capable of great things." If you cower in fear, then you will be cowardly and afraid. If you stand and fight, then even if you fall, you will be brave and strong.

As almost a subset of the above, the other snippet was illustrating a similar theme in a re-mixed manner. I was in a convenience store amid another "Invasion." This particular store seemed to be in a New York style area or maybe even the actual Big Apple. The people populating it were well aware that conflict was going on but were doggedly determined to continue on with business as usual. Explosions are rattling the walls and immigrants are haggling prices of candybars. America in a nutshell. Well played, brain. At some point marauders/looters had infiltrated the store and seized the owner effectively taking control of the storefront. They forced him to remain at the counter and then attempted to rob and/or maim whichever brave unwitting customer dare approach. I was one such customer, but when I bent down to grab an impulse item, unaware of the situation at hand, they foolishly fired above where I had previously been standing. I dropped to the ground and stealthily made my way around to the swinging door leading behind the cashier. I went unnoticed as they moved onto their next victim. The leader was crouched knees to chest behind the store-owner and too pre-occupied to notice me sidle up mere inches away from him. When I whispered "hey" he jumped and ran in a knee-jerk reaction that forfeited the bluff and minor weapon I had planned on injuring him with.

The lesson here being fighting fire with fire. Scaring the scary. Sneaking up on the sneaky. He was so thoroughly shocked that dream-physics (or my perception of them rather) may or may not have broke down for a moment as he appeared to literally jump out of his skin akin to old Tom and Jerry cartoons. He was so frightened! I derived so much sinister pleasure for being responsible! Like the others, everything seems to blur and fade from here.

I was motivated to capture as much of the experience in text as I could this morning thanks to the conversation held last night.

Vish Fantasy League just cut a toxic player from the team and re-signed a former star.
I can't seem to get the idea out of my head that this is what finally made me better and helped me overcome this illness I'd been battling for an uncharacteristically long amount of time.

I was afforded the wonderful opportunity to reunite with a lost friend. One from an era and group of friends that I'd sadly resigned myself to not ever see again. A while back he'd randomly blocked me on facebook and in response I blocked him in real life. About a week or so ago, he apologized for his actions and contacted me to get together. Not just to explain, but simply to catch up. And catch up we did! Not to put his business out there, because he was very adamant that I not spread his personal life about, but to loosely recount the night we talked on many subjects that I myself am very familiar with but that most Body-Builder/Personal Trainers only have a cursory knowledge of. Fitness talk was expected and unabashed. HOWEVER, spiritual talk and matters of meditation were a very pleasant and welcome surprise! Two, three in addition to fitness, areas of my expertise! I won't include much more detail than that as I've agreed to respect his privacy. Hence not naming/identifying this mystery friend of mine. And endeavoring to speak so generally that even if an enterprising individual were to deduce his idenity that no subject discussed would reveal anything preferred to be kept private.

Something I will describe in paradoxically vague detail is the juxtaposition of our living spaces and how they represent the subsequent juxtaposition of our actual lives. He'd apparently moved near me recently and as such, we're technically neighbors, something which is mildly painful to know I was unaware of during the interim in which he and I didn't speak. "You were this close the whole time?!" Big and empty. He clearly makes and has made more money than me in the past, but the sparse (read: non-existent) decoration in the house communicated an austere asceticism I thought un-befitting of a person mired in proving one's appearance to the outside world. I am neither condescending nor condemning. Indeed, I rather like it. And, praised it and him as such. It just seemed oddly oxymoronic. Like going over Snoop Dogg's house and seeing nary a pot-leaf or cannabis related item anywhere. His family, while not boastful in the least, good honest hard-working blue-collars poised to become and slowly transitioning into respectable white-collars even spread its influence into me as my family is very very very similar. So coming from the same "family" I expected his trappings to be more lavish. That is not to imply, however, that I was somehow disappointed by what I saw. Quite the opposite as I've already stated above.

In our Family, appearance is claimed to not be important but plays a vital unspoken role in establishing oneself as a sovereign member of the group. While gold, cars, and expensive electronics are desired, bought, and enjoyed, they come at the unspoken price of being categorized as luxuries and therefore ultimately unnecessary. This does not change our natural human proclivity to enjoy and praise them though. We just attempt to do so in a diminished manner separate from what really matters. On the opposite end of the spectrum are things like seasonal decorations or other such comfortable amenities. Knick-knacks and brick-a-brack not owned for status but merely for comfort. The disparity between the two often results in a bizarrely triangulated keeping-up-with-the-joneses not merely content to remain unspoken but violently guarded from being directly acknowledged.

Family member "A": "Hey, I just got an expensive new [x!] Come check it out!"
Family member "B": "I think there are better things you could be spending your money on... Or better yet, better to just save your money instead of frivolously spending it at all."
A: "..."
B: U_U

A: "Look at these sentimental value mementos I saved from [Elder Family Member X!]"
B: "Oh wow! Those are so cool! I'm so jealous!"
A: ^_______^
B: ^_______^

A: "I just bought this new [x] so that I can make and store more food for the rest of the family!"
B: "Oh yeah? That's nothin'. I just bought [y] so that I can build and repair more things for the rest of the family."
A: "Pfft. Whatevs. I also got [z] to...."
B: "Well I got [q]"
So on and so forth for an uncalled for amount of time.

So that being said and represented, I mean to simply say I expected him to have more and was pleasantly surprised and proud that he did not.

My apartment with Abbey stands on the far other end of the extreme in that the actual place itself is somewhat in a state of disrepair but is bursting at the seems with free/found furniture and prized possessions accumulated over the course of decades and separate individuals. A wonderfully visual juxtaposition.

Big Nice, Mostly Empty Place vs. Medium Acceptable, Crammed Place

It even seems to me personally to represent both our bodies and our minds compared and contrasted to one another.

Not completely, obviously as there is far more "inside him" than his place lets on and there is urgent potential to graduate to a larger place for myself. - I suppose and surmise, like all things in reality, a balance between the two will naturally equalize. For both parties. Diffusion is after all the only absolute truth. *Tangent* Diffusion is the founding principle of Reality. Everything you perceive (and even what you don't) is diffusion in process somehow. It's the closest thing there is to an absolute universal truth. It's the closest I personally have gotten to a TOE (Theory Of Everything.)

-Just- experienced a synchronicity with the drink he made me after we'd been sippin' maker's mark for a few hours, the Moscow Mule - VODKA, GINGER BEER, LIME. Never heard of it prior to drinking it and then saw it atop a friend's page on facebook today from being posted at roughly the same time we were drinking ours.


[Un-named Collaboration X] I was going to include my business proposal to/with this individual but the toxic individual that I've removed from life is prone to reading this very blog and pilfering its ideas to claim as his own. So unfortunately I must remain hushed until developed enough to debut. Suffice it to say, I think that the two of us working together would be extremely mutually beneficial.


男の人は食べています。