Vishsanity

Be here now.

Is that OCD?

If 2012 was my year to cut loose and let my ADHD run then show, then 2013 shall be The Year Of My OCD.

Plans.
Lists.
Control.

My ADHD wants to check fb (REAL BAD) and Twitter, and Wikipedia, and YouTube, and Tumblr, and Erowid,

oscillation between two extremes. Which is essentially my Unified Theory.

Sick

I'm sick of being sick.

I must go over this and edit it according to the standards of my OCD. My ADHD will create and my OCD will revise.

creation & destruction
adhd&ocd
female&male

are you talking to yourself?

THE BLUR
THE BLEND

we create duality so that we may exist inside of it

raw crazy vishthoughts

Look at this mess. No Capitalization. Poor Grammar. Tsk tsk. Tut tut.

It's funny, initially I wanted to quit facebooking(/general internetting) in order to FOCUS on this blog entry, but now I want to quit this blog entry to focus on writing.

The logic was, despite numerous electronic setbacks (both phone and netbook are currently unusable and not easily/quickly fixed) I still had the blessing of Abbey and her equipment, namely the very laptop that's helping me type this very sentence.

So then, if one can reason that one should not be wasting one's time with facebook, so too then can't one follow the logic of wasting one's time on online journaling being better channelled into a more productive endeavor, like say typing up one's screenplay?!

BUT WHERE DO WE DRAW THE LINE?

Who is to say what's best? At this point, OCD (following the nature of yin and yang) is becoming ADHD, and vice versa. The strict adherence to reducing wasteful activities becomes almost a spontaneous way of leapfrogging ad infinitum and the burning ADHD longs to simply choose a single endeavor and pour heart and soul into it.

raw thoughts
I kinda don't wanna edit this at all....
I should do this more often, even if only to simply keep myself focused and on track...

I gave in. I'm checking facebook. I'm checking tumblr.
But I'm staying mindful (by recording such facts in text here.)

I did not work out today. That saddens me. It's Friday. I'd like to work out. I work out on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Too bad I am sick. Super sick. Hackin up a lung. I feel bad for the humans infected with what I've got.

SICK DEMON
BROKEN ANGEL
human

whole

One

1

.

0

None.

Divided.

DEMON.
FIXED GOD.
HEALTHY DEVIL.

well that was odd, I thought aloud without enough punctuation
touch the screen [here] Haha. It did nothing. Didn't it? You tried anyway. Why?
YOU WANT TO BELIEVE,

YOU WANT TO BELIEVE IN THE MIRACLE OF BEING SURPRISED.

Is that all Life is? The Big Suprise? The Divine Surprise?
food.
i am thinking about food.
i am heavily considering food.
contemplating eating.
pensive on the nature of food and eating

the word Ouroboros comes to mind...

suddenly I feel as if though this sickness of the body is actually of the mind........

how can I heal myself?

HOW DO I ACTIVATE MY JESUS POWERS?! do i even want them?

EGO
TAKE OVER
JOSH VISH
ACTIVATE

I want to stop being sick,
I want to eat healthy and enough, every single day.
I want to be active, get bigger, stronger, faster, leaner. I want to be as muscular as is possible for me to reasonably and affordably maintain.
I need to stop. I'm tumbling down into the internet. Literally.

There's music playing and I don't want it to be...

life can be summed up in two simple words: fuck you.

the philosophy of fuck you
the dao of fuck you
when you eat something, you say "fuck you, thing. i'm eating you."
when you fuck someone, you fuck them and they fuck you
when you die, yer fucked
when your born, it's because yer parents fucked and therefore indirectly fucked you
when you wake up, fuck you sleep/death/infinity
when you fall asleep, fuck you reality/life/people
when you masturbate, fuck you. literally. you fuck yourself.
when you take drugs, you say fuck you to reality
when you play videogames you say fuck you to reality
when you play music you say fuck you to silence

i am picturing a traditional ouroboros overlayed with a different kind of ourboros, one of a man with an immense phallus, fucking himself. a figure 8. infinity.

goddamnit, do I really have to stop eating meat?! but it's so tasty!
don't wanna die, reluctant to kill, so why eat death?
eat life. eat fruit. plant. water. nurture. grow

i only wanna eat badass predator type animals that i personally kill from now on

I MUST FEED MYSELF.

The Big Bang? pffffft. Try, The Big Fuck You.

I'm dicking off again. It feels good. Doing something other than what I'm supposed to be doing. Being "bad." Being "naughty." And in a very real sense, fucking myself.

it truly is a new year
2013 is really here
there's nothing to fear
reality is mine to steer
when you are One, you are without peer
your precious life you must hold dear
for death is inevitably near
you may think this queer
you may even leer
but take a look in the mirror
before you punch that deer
go ahead, launch that spear
and then drink that beer
do not jeer
listen here
walk off that pier
do you hear?
study the rear
become the seer
elevate to God Tier
when the time comes, do not veer