Tuesday, September 10, 2013
Saturday, August 24, 2013
Way Too Awake
It's just so hard for me to sleep sometimes.
The Ego is not something to be overcome or extinguished. It is not something to be transcended or eliminated. It is simply to be acknowledged. While directly identifying with it is dangerous in a sense and can lead to many problems for the perceived individual, so too can completely distancing oneself from it. Buddhism and many similar philosophies say, "Look, I am the whole thing. The sky, the trees, the birds, the water. I am every blade of grass. I am nothing." And then you ask, "What about Ego?" "Oh. Well. I'm everything -BUT- that. The Ego is evil. U_U"
I am beyond sick and tired of the demonizing of the Ego.
Existence is trying its hardest to trick itself into existence. Existence is existence trying to trick itself into being real. Existence is existence trying to convince itself that it's real.
Death is an even greater illusion than life. The illusion of death is how we create life.
Fear/Death/Pain = The Cosmic Punishment.
Just like spanking or grounding before it, from your parents, soon too will you realize how laughable a punishment these are. Just like the time you stood bravely before your parents and said, "Go ahead, spank me. Ground me. I don't care. I'm still gonna do what I want." now you find yourself standing before the universe saying, "Go ahead, hurt me. Kill me. I don't care. I'm still gonna do what I want."
Now unlike with your parents, this proclamation is not for them. It's for you. With your parents, you were saying it to them. With the universe, you're saying it to yourself.
Without the threat of death there is no motivation to live.
How does it work? - Science and Its Followers, spill out over creation, denying their own divinity in order to prove the solidity of existence to their peers, and perhaps, ultimately to themselves.
We must work on our weaknesses and make them our strengths. It's your whole purpose here. You are this incredibly impossible thing born at this impossible time. Once you've acknowledged that you can begin operating realistically.
My ADHD created my OCD.
Infinity is all here.
How do you convince someone that nothing is real? How do you make nothing seem real? How do you make something out of nothing?
Simple. You manufacture an individual that believes it to be so.
Learning to ask the right questions.
By living your life to the fullest you help the cosmos better render reality. By mapping out what is possible with your random set of data you share the result with the collective.
Robo-Buddha? Robo-Jesus? Robo-Philosopher?
Perhaps The End Of Reality would better be referred to as The Edge Of Reality.
How does matter appear solid? Where does its solidity come from?
Why can't we fly?
Be honest with yourself.
Have the strength and courage to sit and listen and be honest with yourself.
Met or confronted with God, there are only two desires to be had: kill/eat or fuck. Which are essentially the same desire: reunion. All paths are the same. All seek reunion with the divine.
Combining consciousnesses?
Your problems/obstacles are opportunities for greatness/glory.
To religious fanatics "the world" or existence seems inherently evil or flawed, almost because it is, but more because of staunch adherence to duality. The reason the world seems inherently evil or flawed is because it is. Everything is based off of a lie. The Great Lie. The Great Lie: This Is Real. The Truth beyond that, and the creative force behind it is Love. We Told That Lie To Ourselves In An Effort To Love Ourselves.
Problems remain, because problems remain. Working through problems is all there is to do here. It's a test. A game. Something to do.
Multiple Personality Disorder and other mental illnesses remain because the Cosmos has not learned to cure itself of them yet. BECAUSE curing itself of them means relinquishing the illusion of separateness.
The Ego is not something to be overcome or extinguished. It is not something to be transcended or eliminated. It is simply to be acknowledged. While directly identifying with it is dangerous in a sense and can lead to many problems for the perceived individual, so too can completely distancing oneself from it. Buddhism and many similar philosophies say, "Look, I am the whole thing. The sky, the trees, the birds, the water. I am every blade of grass. I am nothing." And then you ask, "What about Ego?" "Oh. Well. I'm everything -BUT- that. The Ego is evil. U_U"
I am beyond sick and tired of the demonizing of the Ego.
Existence is trying its hardest to trick itself into existence. Existence is existence trying to trick itself into being real. Existence is existence trying to convince itself that it's real.
Death is an even greater illusion than life. The illusion of death is how we create life.
Fear/Death/Pain = The Cosmic Punishment.
Just like spanking or grounding before it, from your parents, soon too will you realize how laughable a punishment these are. Just like the time you stood bravely before your parents and said, "Go ahead, spank me. Ground me. I don't care. I'm still gonna do what I want." now you find yourself standing before the universe saying, "Go ahead, hurt me. Kill me. I don't care. I'm still gonna do what I want."
Now unlike with your parents, this proclamation is not for them. It's for you. With your parents, you were saying it to them. With the universe, you're saying it to yourself.
Without the threat of death there is no motivation to live.
How does it work? - Science and Its Followers, spill out over creation, denying their own divinity in order to prove the solidity of existence to their peers, and perhaps, ultimately to themselves.
We must work on our weaknesses and make them our strengths. It's your whole purpose here. You are this incredibly impossible thing born at this impossible time. Once you've acknowledged that you can begin operating realistically.
My ADHD created my OCD.
Infinity is all here.
How do you convince someone that nothing is real? How do you make nothing seem real? How do you make something out of nothing?
Simple. You manufacture an individual that believes it to be so.
Learning to ask the right questions.
By living your life to the fullest you help the cosmos better render reality. By mapping out what is possible with your random set of data you share the result with the collective.
Robo-Buddha? Robo-Jesus? Robo-Philosopher?
Perhaps The End Of Reality would better be referred to as The Edge Of Reality.
How does matter appear solid? Where does its solidity come from?
Why can't we fly?
Be honest with yourself.
Have the strength and courage to sit and listen and be honest with yourself.
Met or confronted with God, there are only two desires to be had: kill/eat or fuck. Which are essentially the same desire: reunion. All paths are the same. All seek reunion with the divine.
Combining consciousnesses?
Your problems/obstacles are opportunities for greatness/glory.
To religious fanatics "the world" or existence seems inherently evil or flawed, almost because it is, but more because of staunch adherence to duality. The reason the world seems inherently evil or flawed is because it is. Everything is based off of a lie. The Great Lie. The Great Lie: This Is Real. The Truth beyond that, and the creative force behind it is Love. We Told That Lie To Ourselves In An Effort To Love Ourselves.
Problems remain, because problems remain. Working through problems is all there is to do here. It's a test. A game. Something to do.
Multiple Personality Disorder and other mental illnesses remain because the Cosmos has not learned to cure itself of them yet. BECAUSE curing itself of them means relinquishing the illusion of separateness.
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
just go with it. write.
9:12am
Wednesday Morning.
Awoke late to alarm.
Hard time getting out of bed.
Grind up a Fruit Roll-Up pack, smoke.
9:39 - Spontaneous journaling.
Powerful feelings for/toward Abbey. An overwhelming urge to hug and kiss her as she sleeps and the very strong desire to move her from the couch to the bed.
"Big Heart" feeling.
"Not enough time" feeling.
Overwhelmed feeling.
Overwhelmed with feeling.
Overwhelmed by feeling.
Listening to music, entirely out of the question.
Feels good to type. Feel the need to observe/document/recall.
Hair is in two french braids, beard in two braids. Robe.
7.30
Smoked.
Ate.
Smoked.
Forgot wallet.
Stopped at bank for cash right beforehand.
Pacific Rim.
Bought T-Bones with Abbey.
Breakfast.
Smoked.
Chest Tuesday. -- Abbey napped.
Seared steaks.
Ate steak with Abbey.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER. THE AUSTRIAN OAK. 66.
7.31.13
9:50am
9:52am
9:55am Arduously carry Abbey to bed. Cursed acid blankie.
SPEED UP. VERY AWARE OF TIME.
DISHES.
burnt butter.
WASH AND TRY AGAIN.
5 eggs, 3 white, 2 whole. Oatmeal wtih whole milk, 1/2 banana, cinnamon. 1 centrum.
Knight.
WEDNESDAY BACK
DON'T WANNA GO TO WORK. WANNA STAY HOME AND CUDDLE WIF ABBEY.
SUPER COOKIES N CREAM ICE CREAM. DIRT SUNDAE SPECIAL.
nap wif abbey
work
smoke wif coworker
walk home
munchies
movie
sleep.
Wednesday Morning.
Awoke late to alarm.
Hard time getting out of bed.
Grind up a Fruit Roll-Up pack, smoke.
9:39 - Spontaneous journaling.
Powerful feelings for/toward Abbey. An overwhelming urge to hug and kiss her as she sleeps and the very strong desire to move her from the couch to the bed.
"Big Heart" feeling.
"Not enough time" feeling.
Overwhelmed feeling.
Overwhelmed with feeling.
Overwhelmed by feeling.
Listening to music, entirely out of the question.
Feels good to type. Feel the need to observe/document/recall.
Hair is in two french braids, beard in two braids. Robe.
7.30
Smoked.
Ate.
Smoked.
Forgot wallet.
Stopped at bank for cash right beforehand.
Pacific Rim.
Bought T-Bones with Abbey.
Breakfast.
Smoked.
Chest Tuesday. -- Abbey napped.
Seared steaks.
Ate steak with Abbey.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER. THE AUSTRIAN OAK. 66.
7.31.13
9:50am
9:52am
9:55am Arduously carry Abbey to bed. Cursed acid blankie.
SPEED UP. VERY AWARE OF TIME.
DISHES.
burnt butter.
WASH AND TRY AGAIN.
5 eggs, 3 white, 2 whole. Oatmeal wtih whole milk, 1/2 banana, cinnamon. 1 centrum.
Knight.
WEDNESDAY BACK
DON'T WANNA GO TO WORK. WANNA STAY HOME AND CUDDLE WIF ABBEY.
SUPER COOKIES N CREAM ICE CREAM. DIRT SUNDAE SPECIAL.
nap wif abbey
work
smoke wif coworker
walk home
munchies
movie
sleep.
Saturday, February 16, 2013
MOAR .GIFS!!!
 |
| Lul Jimmy Two-Shoes |
 |
| "Haha, what?" |
 |
| xcubes me, wtf ru doing? |
 |
| jackin 'it |
 |
| schmokin' it, jerkin' it |
 |
| BEARD RUB IN PROGRESS |
 |
| "The" Point |
 |
| Lick: Version 1 |
 |
| Lick: Version 2 |
 |
| Version 1 |
 |
| Version 2 |
 |
| Version 3 |
 |
| Version 4 |
 |
| fink fink fink |
 |
| nuzzles |
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Saturday, January 12, 2013
Vishsanity
Be here now.
Is that OCD?
If 2012 was my year to cut loose and let my ADHD run then show, then 2013 shall be The Year Of My OCD.
Plans.
Lists.
Control.
My ADHD wants to check fb (REAL BAD) and Twitter, and Wikipedia, and YouTube, and Tumblr, and Erowid,
oscillation between two extremes. Which is essentially my Unified Theory.
Sick
I'm sick of being sick.
I must go over this and edit it according to the standards of my OCD. My ADHD will create and my OCD will revise.
creation & destruction
adhd&ocd
female&male
are you talking to yourself?
THE BLUR
THE BLEND
we create duality so that we may exist inside of it
raw crazy vishthoughts
Look at this mess. No Capitalization. Poor Grammar. Tsk tsk. Tut tut.
It's funny, initially I wanted to quit facebooking(/general internetting) in order to FOCUS on this blog entry, but now I want to quit this blog entry to focus on writing.
The logic was, despite numerous electronic setbacks (both phone and netbook are currently unusable and not easily/quickly fixed) I still had the blessing of Abbey and her equipment, namely the very laptop that's helping me type this very sentence.
So then, if one can reason that one should not be wasting one's time with facebook, so too then can't one follow the logic of wasting one's time on online journaling being better channelled into a more productive endeavor, like say typing up one's screenplay?!
BUT WHERE DO WE DRAW THE LINE?
Who is to say what's best? At this point, OCD (following the nature of yin and yang) is becoming ADHD, and vice versa. The strict adherence to reducing wasteful activities becomes almost a spontaneous way of leapfrogging ad infinitum and the burning ADHD longs to simply choose a single endeavor and pour heart and soul into it.
raw thoughts
I kinda don't wanna edit this at all....
I should do this more often, even if only to simply keep myself focused and on track...
I gave in. I'm checking facebook. I'm checking tumblr.
But I'm staying mindful (by recording such facts in text here.)
I did not work out today. That saddens me. It's Friday. I'd like to work out. I work out on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Too bad I am sick. Super sick. Hackin up a lung. I feel bad for the humans infected with what I've got.
SICK DEMON
BROKEN ANGEL
human
whole
One
1
.
0
None.
Divided.
DEMON.
FIXED GOD.
HEALTHY DEVIL.
well that was odd, I thought aloud without enough punctuation
touch the screen [here] Haha. It did nothing. Didn't it? You tried anyway. Why?
YOU WANT TO BELIEVE,
YOU WANT TO BELIEVE IN THE MIRACLE OF BEING SURPRISED.
Is that all Life is? The Big Suprise? The Divine Surprise?
food.
i am thinking about food.
i am heavily considering food.
contemplating eating.
pensive on the nature of food and eating
the word Ouroboros comes to mind...
suddenly I feel as if though this sickness of the body is actually of the mind........
how can I heal myself?
HOW DO I ACTIVATE MY JESUS POWERS?! do i even want them?
EGO
TAKE OVER
JOSH VISH
ACTIVATE
I want to stop being sick,
I want to eat healthy and enough, every single day.
I want to be active, get bigger, stronger, faster, leaner. I want to be as muscular as is possible for me to reasonably and affordably maintain.
I need to stop. I'm tumbling down into the internet. Literally.
There's music playing and I don't want it to be...
life can be summed up in two simple words: fuck you.
the philosophy of fuck you
the dao of fuck you
when you eat something, you say "fuck you, thing. i'm eating you."
when you fuck someone, you fuck them and they fuck you
when you die, yer fucked
when your born, it's because yer parents fucked and therefore indirectly fucked you
when you wake up, fuck you sleep/death/infinity
when you fall asleep, fuck you reality/life/people
when you masturbate, fuck you. literally. you fuck yourself.
when you take drugs, you say fuck you to reality
when you play videogames you say fuck you to reality
when you play music you say fuck you to silence
i am picturing a traditional ouroboros overlayed with a different kind of ourboros, one of a man with an immense phallus, fucking himself. a figure 8. infinity.
goddamnit, do I really have to stop eating meat?! but it's so tasty!
don't wanna die, reluctant to kill, so why eat death?
eat life. eat fruit. plant. water. nurture. grow
i only wanna eat badass predator type animals that i personally kill from now on
I MUST FEED MYSELF.
The Big Bang? pffffft. Try, The Big Fuck You.
I'm dicking off again. It feels good. Doing something other than what I'm supposed to be doing. Being "bad." Being "naughty." And in a very real sense, fucking myself.
it truly is a new year
2013 is really here
there's nothing to fear
reality is mine to steer
when you are One, you are without peer
your precious life you must hold dear
for death is inevitably near
you may think this queer
you may even leer
but take a look in the mirror
before you punch that deer
go ahead, launch that spear
and then drink that beer
do not jeer
listen here
walk off that pier
do you hear?
study the rear
become the seer
elevate to God Tier
when the time comes, do not veer
Is that OCD?
If 2012 was my year to cut loose and let my ADHD run then show, then 2013 shall be The Year Of My OCD.
Plans.
Lists.
Control.
My ADHD wants to check fb (REAL BAD) and Twitter, and Wikipedia, and YouTube, and Tumblr, and Erowid,
oscillation between two extremes. Which is essentially my Unified Theory.
Sick
I'm sick of being sick.
I must go over this and edit it according to the standards of my OCD. My ADHD will create and my OCD will revise.
creation & destruction
adhd&ocd
female&male
are you talking to yourself?
THE BLUR
THE BLEND
we create duality so that we may exist inside of it
raw crazy vishthoughts
Look at this mess. No Capitalization. Poor Grammar. Tsk tsk. Tut tut.
It's funny, initially I wanted to quit facebooking(/general internetting) in order to FOCUS on this blog entry, but now I want to quit this blog entry to focus on writing.
The logic was, despite numerous electronic setbacks (both phone and netbook are currently unusable and not easily/quickly fixed) I still had the blessing of Abbey and her equipment, namely the very laptop that's helping me type this very sentence.
So then, if one can reason that one should not be wasting one's time with facebook, so too then can't one follow the logic of wasting one's time on online journaling being better channelled into a more productive endeavor, like say typing up one's screenplay?!
BUT WHERE DO WE DRAW THE LINE?
Who is to say what's best? At this point, OCD (following the nature of yin and yang) is becoming ADHD, and vice versa. The strict adherence to reducing wasteful activities becomes almost a spontaneous way of leapfrogging ad infinitum and the burning ADHD longs to simply choose a single endeavor and pour heart and soul into it.
raw thoughts
I kinda don't wanna edit this at all....
I should do this more often, even if only to simply keep myself focused and on track...
I gave in. I'm checking facebook. I'm checking tumblr.
But I'm staying mindful (by recording such facts in text here.)
I did not work out today. That saddens me. It's Friday. I'd like to work out. I work out on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Too bad I am sick. Super sick. Hackin up a lung. I feel bad for the humans infected with what I've got.
SICK DEMON
BROKEN ANGEL
human
whole
One
1
.
0
None.
Divided.
DEMON.
FIXED GOD.
HEALTHY DEVIL.
well that was odd, I thought aloud without enough punctuation
touch the screen [here] Haha. It did nothing. Didn't it? You tried anyway. Why?
YOU WANT TO BELIEVE,
YOU WANT TO BELIEVE IN THE MIRACLE OF BEING SURPRISED.
Is that all Life is? The Big Suprise? The Divine Surprise?
food.
i am thinking about food.
i am heavily considering food.
contemplating eating.
pensive on the nature of food and eating
the word Ouroboros comes to mind...
suddenly I feel as if though this sickness of the body is actually of the mind........
how can I heal myself?
HOW DO I ACTIVATE MY JESUS POWERS?! do i even want them?
EGO
TAKE OVER
JOSH VISH
ACTIVATE
I want to stop being sick,
I want to eat healthy and enough, every single day.
I want to be active, get bigger, stronger, faster, leaner. I want to be as muscular as is possible for me to reasonably and affordably maintain.
I need to stop. I'm tumbling down into the internet. Literally.
There's music playing and I don't want it to be...
life can be summed up in two simple words: fuck you.
the philosophy of fuck you
the dao of fuck you
when you eat something, you say "fuck you, thing. i'm eating you."
when you fuck someone, you fuck them and they fuck you
when you die, yer fucked
when your born, it's because yer parents fucked and therefore indirectly fucked you
when you wake up, fuck you sleep/death/infinity
when you fall asleep, fuck you reality/life/people
when you masturbate, fuck you. literally. you fuck yourself.
when you take drugs, you say fuck you to reality
when you play videogames you say fuck you to reality
when you play music you say fuck you to silence
i am picturing a traditional ouroboros overlayed with a different kind of ourboros, one of a man with an immense phallus, fucking himself. a figure 8. infinity.
goddamnit, do I really have to stop eating meat?! but it's so tasty!
don't wanna die, reluctant to kill, so why eat death?
eat life. eat fruit. plant. water. nurture. grow
i only wanna eat badass predator type animals that i personally kill from now on
I MUST FEED MYSELF.
The Big Bang? pffffft. Try, The Big Fuck You.
I'm dicking off again. It feels good. Doing something other than what I'm supposed to be doing. Being "bad." Being "naughty." And in a very real sense, fucking myself.
it truly is a new year
2013 is really here
there's nothing to fear
reality is mine to steer
when you are One, you are without peer
your precious life you must hold dear
for death is inevitably near
you may think this queer
you may even leer
but take a look in the mirror
before you punch that deer
go ahead, launch that spear
and then drink that beer
do not jeer
listen here
walk off that pier
do you hear?
study the rear
become the seer
elevate to God Tier
when the time comes, do not veer
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