『信じる 頑張れる 頑張れ。 頑張れる。 頑張れ。 -- 信じる。 頑張れる。 頑張れ。 -- 信じる 頑。』

信じる 頑張れる 頑張れ。 頑張れる。 頑張れ。 --
信じる。 頑張れる。 頑張れ。 --
信じる 頑。

信じる 頑。

Time Travel To Date Past-Abbey

What was the last song you listened to?:

Overand By Autechre 

Have you ever been stereotyped?

All the daggum time.

Is there a magazine you get monthly?

Wow. No, actually. Not since EGM went to shit back whenever. It used to be EGM though. 

What type of cell phone do you have?

the nonexistent pretend kind that crazy people and kids have *holds 'gnarly sign' up to ear* Yello? 

Do you have your driver's license yet?

And how! Just got it renewed! Full glory of beard now officially ID'd twice. First, being passport. 

What school do you currently attend?

the school of hard knocks, bruh -- but seriously. the school of life. earth. the cosmos. reality. everything is school, as long as you're paying attention and learning and endeavoring to improve 

Who was the last person to piss you off?

Myself. 

Do you prefer writing in pencil or pen?

Writing? Pen. Drawing? Pencil. 

  

Did you ever feel that there was no one you could connect with?

I have felt like that but I do not currently. 

Have you ever tried playing Call of Duty?

*yawn* FPSs are beyond boring. Esp. COD. 

Are you currently pleased or annoyed with your hair?

Very pleased. 

Are you at all good at drawing?

In fact, the best. 

Are you good at baking things?

Myself? I am good at getting baked if that's what you mean.. ;) -- Pretty good with hash brownies n such, too. I'm more of a chef than a baker. Baking's a Science, Cooking is an Art. -- I'm too spontaneous in the kitchen, I wanna add a dash of cayenne here and a pinch of nutmeg there, which you can totally get away with in cooking. With baking, the wrong move might ruin your whole dish. I just don't have the patience. 

When you were young, did you get in trouble a lot?

That's a biased question. It assumes that I no longer am young and/or no longer get in trouble. ;) 

What color is your hairbrush?

Me favorite is brown. 

Last beverage consumed?

Coffee. 

Is there a name that you absolutely love?

No, actually. I guess mine? 

If you were to move out right now, do you think you would be successful?

Of course, I'm succesful in whatever I endeavor to do. -- It would be hectic and stressful, but sure as shit it would be succesful. 

Have you seen the movie Dear John?

Naw. 

Does a person's religion matter at all to you?

Not unless they try to push it on me. 

Do you think you were a cute baby?

10/10 would pinch cheeks 

Is Mathematics something you succeed at?

Most definitely. Math is the Language of God. The Language of The Cosmos. 

How about English?

I have had my diction complimented by the actual English. *gently drops mic like a gentleman* 

Are you a fan of Lady GaGa?

Absolutely not. In fact I hate everything about her except her gorgeous buttcheeks. She is the exact epitome of what's wrong with pop music/culture today. Madonna did it first and did it better. 

Do you ever read your horoscopes?

On and off. I go through periods of checking them routinely and then others of ignoring them for months on end. When I was younger I thought they were complete and utter bullshit, as I've matured I've come to know their uncanny accuracy. Even if I can't yet explain with Science how it was/is achieved. 

Do you prefer to pay in cash or credit cards?

Pay? What's that? (Card.) 

Does the idea of flying scare you?

In a plane? Yes. In my own body, still yes, but far less than in a plane. 

Do you have any phobias?

I have a pervasive fear that all of reality is a ruse centered in on me. Truman Show style. Candid Camera style. -- I loathe the moment of the "reveal" and fight to deliver "I knew all along!" with unwavering certainty. 

Do you own any photo albums?:

Yalp. 

Are you currently listening to music?

Nope. 

Is there someone in the room with you?

Abbey Rose. My Other Half.

Horror movies: do they scare you at all?

Actual horror movies? Like violent, gory and/or supernatural ones? Not at all. Cerebral dramas that could feasibly happen in real life more frighten me than buckets of blood and sharp teeth. Come at me, bro. 

Are you a fan of 3Oh!3?

Gibberish? Am I a fan of gibberish? Absolutely. I am the King Of Gibberish. The Ging Of Kibberish. 

Would you consider yourself to be a Grammar Nazi?

I would not, but others would. I consider myself well-spoken and well-versed in language. 

Your opinion on people who live every day like it's their last?

Wouldn't matter to them, now would it? ;) 

Would you rather drive or take the subway/bus/public transit?

Walk, bike, drive. I miss the public transit in LA, here in PA, NO SPANK YOU. 

Is watching TV a big thing for you?

Hasn't been for over a decade. Pre-2003 however, I watched more TV than entire families combined. Nonstop for 72 hours in a row or more. Hence, not missing it too much these days. 

Are you a fan of beer?

Oh god yes. I want a Sapporo so bad right now. Tecate is what got me into beer in the first place and Miller High Life sealed the deal. I love microbrews and fancy shits as much as the next beer snob but I specialize in cheap yet drinkable beverage. Shout out to King Cobra 40s! Only thing worth mention in Ohio! 

Has a friend ever gotten completely wasted in your presence?

All the goddamned time. I've been babysitter/surrogate father for close to 2 decades now. Still just as nonfun as it was the very first time I experienced it. 

How long have you been with your significant other?

Approximately 2 and a half years. 

Do you enjoy the smell of candles?

I do enjoy the smelling part. I love to smell things! 

Where do you download your music from?

Downloading is so last century. I use Spotify. 

Do you ever use the aid of Google Translate?

はい！ Siempre. 

Was there a point in your life where you were practically nocturnal?

Was? 

What's your idea of perfect weather?

4 seasons. 

Are you addicted to coffee?

Nope. 

Are you currently in love?

AND HOW! So glad to have finally found the love of my life and my other half!

Do you believe living carefree and in the moment is the way to go?

"sometimes.  But you have to have some precautions if you want to continue that way." what she said. 

Name your favorite band?

Too hard to pick just one. Coldplay. Dimmu Borgir. Gogol Bordello. System Of A Down. NIN. Moby. Daft Punk. Incubus. N.E.R.D. Denison Witmer. Jack Johnson. Modest Mouse. Alice In Chains. Eminem. Miles Davis. Queen. Beatles. Bright Eyes. I have to stop now or I never will. 

What's that one song they constantly play on the radio that you hate?

Wrecking Ball. 

Do skinny jeans work for you?

"Work for me?  Skinny jeans do NOT make one look skinny. Skinny jeans are for people who ARE skinny. Usually they're too tight for my big ass, calves, and thighs.  I have curves, which apparently is not in fashion." Same. 

Do you know guys that wear their pants with half their underwear showing?

Know them? No. Seen them? Unfortunately. --  I love informing people of where/why sagging originated... 

Is there a tattoo you'd really like to get?

"Memento Mori" on the inside of my left forearm. "Row row row your boat..." Snaking around my right arm. Kanji for demon on my neck or back. Ghost In The Shell abstract back design on my back. "The Brand" Scarification/Tattoo Seal. The Nintendo Logo. Shenlong from DBZ around a leg. -- I dunno, I toy around with wanting tattoos all the time and yet I don't have a single one. We'll see. 

Do you know someone who is creepily possessive?

Did. Thankfully, no longer. 

Do you think you'll eventually find that special someone?

Think? Know. I've found her. :)

Have you ever felt like giving up, but stuck with it anyway?

はい！頑張る！ -- This is pretty much how I feel every single second of every single day. Some moments it's worse than others and others I occasionally just blissfully float along for a while before crashing back down to reality. 

Do you chew gum often?

Nope. 

Who's the fifth contact in your phone?:

No clue. Not worth digging out of storage to look at. Probably the 5th "A" person I knew/know. 

Where is your phone right now?:

In a desk drawer on top of a TI-83. Which is on top of a scale. 

Do you have any plans for the weekend?

Hanging out with Matt Park, and laundry. 

How are you feeling?

cold. kinda shitty. hungry. 

Do you have a stalker?

Oh my yes, quite a few. A couple are even famous. 

You're trapped in a room with your ex for 3 days, what do you do?

Play Smash Bros. while apologizing for how mean I was to her during our relationship and demanding an apology for the way she treated me as well. 

Who is the last guy you talked at?

Some kid online. 

Do you enjoy tattoos & Piercings?

"sure. if it has meaning or isn't in a retarded place." Same. -- I have a rule for tattoos, "recognizable at a distance." The majority of sleeves just look like purple grey messes until you get up close, I can't stand that. 

Shower at night or in the morning?

Both, and once after the gym as well. I LOVE showering. 

Do you apologize first?

"depends on the person." also, depends on the situation. 

Has someone made a promise to you and broke it?

"haha. is that a legit question?  if anyone can answer no then they need a wake up call." what she said 

Do you like your name?

I do enjoy it, yes. 

What do you think the person you like is doing now?

Think? I can see her. She's watching me type this.......

  

Do you hate the last guy/girl you had a thing with?

I did for a time, I grew past that after finding Abbey. 

Do you have a curfew?

"only if I set it for myself." -- Try to sleep at least 8 hours this week. 

Did the one person who hurt you the most in your life apologize?

NO. BUT THEY FUCKING WILL. THEY FUCKING WILL. And it WILL be recorded and broadcast for all to see. 

Have you ever thought about getting your lip pierced?

All the damn time. Thinking about it again upon reading this. 

Have a best friend?

"friends? what are those??" - Haha, same. Other than Abbey, no. - I have a lot of aquaintances and hangers-on, but everyone seems too scared or too intimidated to make the effort to actually get to know me. 

Are you in a good mood right now?

"eh. I guess you could say I am." this 

Have you ever liked someone older than you?

Pre-18, all the damn time, post-18 not so much. I lust after and feel sexual attraction for older women, but I've found my one and only and she's 7 years younger and not going anywhere any time soon. So it's mostly just fantasy stuff at this point. Nothing I would ever actually act on. 

Has anyone ever told you they want to spend the rest of their life with you?

Thankfully, quite a few times. None have lasted, however. Abbey's current top score is 2 & 1/2 years. I believe her, though. Which is saying quite a lot. 

Do you think you can last in a relationship for 3 months?

TWO AND A HALF YEARS. CAN'T YOU FUCKING READ?! 

Have you ever kissed the last person you texted?

I have no clue who the last person I texted was. But yeah, I probably kissed em. *smooch* xxx 

Are you missing someone?

Nope. 

Who were you last in a car with?

Abbles. 

Are you currently looking forward to anything?

AMIIBOS. Wave 3. Sheik. Sonic. King Dedede. Mega-Man. 

Do you like to be called babe or baby more?

Tough call. I don't really focus on the pet names I recieve I more focus on giving them. Pressed, I'd say "babe." 

Do you hate the last boy you had a conversation with?

Nope! Lookin' forward to talking with him tomorrow! Well today, technically, but it's not the next day until you wake up. Everyone knows that. 

Is there a specific moment you can replay in your mind perfectly?

"A?" A moment? As in a single moment? Try all the moments. I am a computer. -- I often find myself wishing I could shut this off. 

Do you miss the way things used to be between you and someone else?

"yes of course." sure 

Do you like to cuddle?

I LUB IT. Cuddleslut fo sho. 

Are you stubborn?

"I'm italian. doesn't that mean stubborn?" This, and probably the most stubborn person you'll ever meet. I don't even listen to myself. 

Is there a friend, boyfriend/ girlfriend, or ex that you will never forget?

"of course." unfortunately quite a few. That whole "computer memory" thing rearing its ugly head again.... 

Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?

OH YES. 

Is your hair naturally straight?

For the most part, yeah, but apparently once it's longer than about a foot it starts to lightly wave and then past a foot and a half it starts to get rul curly like. 

You're rude, aren't you?

I'd rather be an asshole than a coward. -- I am not, by definition rude, in fact far from it, but I have absolutely no problem being rude when the situation calls for it. 

Did you dream of anything last night?

Oh geez. Where to start.... Rescuing babies, cute little blonde girls with curls in floral print dresses running from their parents, dream foods that required many steps to prepare, dream foods that could feasibly be rendered into reality ie. cookie dough outline and center brownies, chocolate mac n' cheese, and quite literally the biggest of all, I perceived the edge of reality and the cosmos as a beach/shore. 

What was the first thing you did when you woke up today?

Started talking to Abbey. 

What do you think of people who have sex before marriage?

Depends on the people. For some, I say, screw those archaic boundaries, for others I feel that they'd benefit from a little conservatism. Not for others, but for themselves. While I don't regret the majority of my partners, I do regret a few and can objectively see how I would not feel as much guilt, and would have smoother sex as a result, if I'd waited for the perfect one. 

What are your plans for next Saturday night?

VALENTINE'S DAY. Sex & Chocolate. ChocolateSex. SexChocolate. LOVE. 

How many people did you hug today?

One. 

Have you ever went a day without talking to the person you like?

Hell no.

Monkey See Monkey Do

Getting Back Into It

6:25 AM - Wake Up
Herr's Jalapeno Poppers Flavored Cheese Curls
16 oz. Monster Energy
Turkish Royal

Breakfast Of Champions. *heavy sigh*

Tired. Feel Dirty. Avoiding doing zazen because it "doesn't feel right."
Going to internet for a bit and then shower and then attempt again.

Come on, Mr. Sun. Wake up and then wake -me- up!

7:07AM - Smoked on the patio waiting for the sun to get up, lazy fuck is sleepin' in, it would seem...

9:44AM - Been dickin' around on the internet for a while. Procrastinating. Trying to warm/wake up. Time for annuva energy drank n a puff and to see if that helps get my ass goin'!

10:08AM - Shower Power! Felt good, invigorating. Exactly what the Doctor ordered.

11:15AM - CAN'T FIND MY FREAKIN' GYM SHORTS!

Vitamin By Incubus

I'm born
I'm alive
I breathe
In a moment or two I realize,
that the sphere upon which I reside,
is asleep on its feet.
should I should I should I go back to sleep?

We orbit the sun
I grow up
my open eyes see...

A zombified, somnambulist society.
Leaving us as vitamins
for the hibernating human animal.
Do you see what I mean?

You stare at me like I'm a vitamin
On the surface you hate,
but you know you need me.
I'll come dressed as any pill you deem fit.
Whatever helps you swallow truth
all the more easily.
And I wonder, will you digest me?
Into the sleep machine I won't plug in,
in fact I'd rather die before I will comply.
To you, my friend,
I write the reason I still live,
'cause in my mind it's set the vitamin is ripe to give
Coming closer to another 2000 years
you and I will pry
the closed eye of the sleep machine

12:00PM - leave for gym.

201.5lbs.

Squats - 20@55, 2x10@95
Stiff-Leg Deads - 2x10@135

Hanging Knee Raises/Feet Elevated Crunches - 2x10

Pulldowns/Flat Bench - 2x10@95

Lateral Raises/Shrugs - 2x10@15/135

Handstand x 10secs.

1:30PM - Leave with Abbey to Sheetz.

Search for amiibos: FAIL. Quest to reserve amiibos: DENIED.

Subway Big Hot Pastrami: Delicious.

Naan and hummus from Kuhn's plus a sweet lil plushy rose for Abbles.

5:30PM - Home, cleaning.

7:51PM - Layin' it dahn fer a nap.
9:30PM - HOLY SHIT, I SUCCESSFULLY NAPPED. Left to Sheetz to snag Abs.

Burrito, FIZZ CITY.

10:55PM - Home, chillin' wit Abs, bout to get into a moobie.

Met the potential new owner of my building last night. New landlord? Yes please. Possible renovations and removal of desire to move, YES PLEASE. Dudeman's also a hip-hop producer with a studio right next to my place, so I threw him Joe Long's name in an effort to finally get ma mans recognized for talents. If you're into hip-hop/rap, click the link to his soundcloud below... YOU WILL NOT BE DISAPPOINTED.

JOSH VISH AND THE TALK SHOW, coming soon! First guest: Joe Long!

11:15PM - Introducing Abbey to one of Kubrick's seminal masterpieces: A Clockwork Orange. -- This would sharpen you up and make you ready for a bit of the old ultraviolence.

Enjoying Naan and hummus with Abbey whilst engaging in a bit of the old ultraviolence. Afterwards, likely a bit of the old in/out in/out. IVVYANOWUDDAMEEN. (I mean sex. As in sexual intercourse. You see, because the penis enters the vagina and then partially recedes before entering again in varying speeds of succession.)

3:16AM - Actually, scratch dat. The finicky PS2 decided that we watch Pursuit of Happyness instead. A much better choice for the evening I've come to realize. Touche, PS2, touche.

I WANT TO HELP PEOPLE. I WANT TO FEED PEOPLE. I WANT TO TAKE CARE OF PEOPLE.

WADDAHMELLUN

Way Too Awake

It's just so hard for me to sleep sometimes.

The Ego is not something to be overcome or extinguished. It is not something to be transcended or eliminated. It is simply to be acknowledged. While directly identifying with it is dangerous in a sense and can lead to many problems for the perceived individual, so too can completely distancing oneself from it. Buddhism and many similar philosophies say, "Look, I am the whole thing. The sky, the trees, the birds, the water. I am every blade of grass. I am nothing." And then you ask, "What about Ego?" "Oh. Well. I'm everything -BUT- that. The Ego is evil. U_U"

I am beyond sick and tired of the demonizing of the Ego.

Existence is trying its hardest to trick itself into existence. Existence is existence trying to trick itself into being real. Existence is existence trying to convince itself that it's real.

Death is an even greater illusion than life. The illusion of death is how we create life.

Fear/Death/Pain = The Cosmic Punishment.

Just like spanking or grounding before it, from your parents, soon too will you realize how laughable a punishment these are. Just like the time you stood bravely before your parents and said, "Go ahead, spank me. Ground me. I don't care. I'm still gonna do what I want." now you find yourself standing before the universe saying, "Go ahead, hurt me. Kill me. I don't care. I'm still gonna do what I want."

Now unlike with your parents, this proclamation is not for them. It's for you. With your parents, you were saying it to them. With the universe, you're saying it to yourself.

Without the threat of death there is no motivation to live.

How does it work? - Science and Its Followers, spill out over creation, denying their own divinity in order to prove the solidity of existence to their peers, and perhaps, ultimately to themselves.

We must work on our weaknesses and make them our strengths. It's your whole purpose here. You are this incredibly impossible thing born at this impossible time. Once you've acknowledged that you can begin operating realistically.

My ADHD created my OCD.

Infinity is all here.

How do you convince someone that nothing is real? How do you make nothing seem real? How do you make something out of nothing?

Simple. You manufacture an individual that believes it to be so.

Learning to ask the right questions.

By living your life to the fullest you help the cosmos better render reality. By mapping out what is possible with your random set of data you share the result with the collective.

Robo-Buddha? Robo-Jesus? Robo-Philosopher?

Perhaps The End Of Reality would better be referred to as The Edge Of Reality.

How does matter appear solid? Where does its solidity come from?
Why can't we fly?

Be honest with yourself.

Have the strength and courage to sit and listen and be honest with yourself.

Met or confronted with God, there are only two desires to be had: kill/eat or fuck. Which are essentially the same desire: reunion. All paths are the same. All seek reunion with the divine.

Combining consciousnesses?

Your problems/obstacles are opportunities for greatness/glory.

To religious fanatics "the world" or existence seems inherently evil or flawed, almost because it is, but more because of staunch adherence to duality. The reason the world seems inherently evil or flawed is because it is. Everything is based off of a lie. The Great Lie. The Great Lie: This Is Real. The Truth beyond that, and the creative force behind it is Love. We Told That Lie To Ourselves In An Effort To Love Ourselves.

Problems remain, because problems remain. Working through problems is all there is to do here. It's a test. A game. Something to do.

Multiple Personality Disorder and other mental illnesses remain because the Cosmos has not learned to cure itself of them yet. BECAUSE curing itself of them means relinquishing the illusion of separateness.

just go with it. write.

9:12am
Wednesday Morning.
Awoke late to alarm.
Hard time getting out of bed.
Grind up a Fruit Roll-Up pack, smoke.
9:39 - Spontaneous journaling.
Powerful feelings for/toward Abbey. An overwhelming urge to hug and kiss her as she sleeps and the very strong desire to move her from the couch to the bed.
"Big Heart" feeling.
"Not enough time" feeling.
Overwhelmed feeling.
Overwhelmed with feeling.
Overwhelmed by feeling.
Listening to music, entirely out of the question.
Feels good to type. Feel the need to observe/document/recall.
Hair is in two french braids, beard in two braids. Robe.

7.30
Smoked.
Ate.
Smoked.
Forgot wallet.
Stopped at bank for cash right beforehand.
Pacific Rim.
Bought T-Bones with Abbey.
Breakfast.
Smoked.
Chest Tuesday. -- Abbey napped.
Seared steaks.
Ate steak with Abbey.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER. THE AUSTRIAN OAK. 66.

7.31.13
9:50am
9:52am
9:55am Arduously carry Abbey to bed. Cursed acid blankie.

SPEED UP. VERY AWARE OF TIME.
DISHES.
burnt butter.
WASH AND TRY AGAIN.
5 eggs, 3 white, 2 whole. Oatmeal wtih whole milk, 1/2 banana, cinnamon. 1 centrum.
Knight.
WEDNESDAY BACK
DON'T WANNA GO TO WORK. WANNA STAY HOME AND CUDDLE WIF ABBEY.
SUPER COOKIES N CREAM ICE CREAM. DIRT SUNDAE SPECIAL.
nap wif abbey
work
smoke wif coworker
walk home
munchies
movie
sleep.