Awoke from some dream(s) I couldn't immediately completely recall...
Groggy...
Slowly talked myself into consciousness and standing up to get dressed to see Abbey off to the bus stop.
[consc vs nonconsc]
Arrived back home around 7:27a to type the above and then to go on to type the following...
7:32a
Purchased a banana, protein coffee and monster import at sunoco... Ate banana while walking, used peel to clean teeth before discarding... Cracked into coffee and waited for computer to finish booting up before typing ALL of the above.
Now, going to drink coffee on back patio with a cig and then come back in to type here about the consc/nonconsc dynamic I discussed with Abbey upon waking. And, of course, to continue existing in mindfulness.
[jp/usa respect/ disrespect]
Stomach grumbling a bit, might have to use the bathroom soon... Priorities... *exit to porch*...
7:42a -- stomach has settled a bit..
While the eventual goal is to gradually ween off coffee/energy drinks and cigarettes for the time being it's necessary to reward myself for good behavior to facilitate that goal. A necessary step for effective and efficient work/reward pathway rewiring. I was a good boy this morning ergo I'm allowed to have some good boy treats.
turkish royal + 20g protein/32g carb (20g sugar) coffee
The overall goal is free myself of the nicotine/caffeine shackles I have willingly placed on myself in order to teach Abbey how to escape the shackles she has placed on herself considerably less mindfully. While the hardest step is over, helping her to realize that it was -SHE- and she alone who placed the shackles on her, there is still the work and process of using that realization to overcome her slavish addiction to substances and indulgence. Baby steps... Baby steps... I told you I'd wait for you, babe... I am walking the walk of the talk I talked claiming I would hold you by the hand and personally walk with you through your personal Hell until you were able to free yourself from it...
7:47a
Bathroom break...
7:48a
7:52a
My relationship with Abbey in the above manner mirrors/fractals/represents/symbolized my relationship as an individual with the rest of you at large. -- I am here to personally walk you up out of Hell. The Hell of your own choosing that you yourself placed yourself in, in the first place. I am here to walk with you and gently guide you until you are able to free yourself and save yourself. I am not here, as it would sometime seem (and other ideal accounts would have you believe) to free you and save you. I am here to allow you to free and save yourself. Ultimately only you can do these things.
"God" and "Satan" exist without existing. They are consciousness milestones in the far off distance meant to help you better triangulate your position and reorient yourself accordingly. They simultaneous do exist and don't exist just as you do. It's all you. There is no external Good or Bad forces assailing you and attempting to sway you to their side. There are simply former versions of yourself, former outfits that you've worn, existing in your mind guiding you to better choose what version of yourself you want to be, what outfit you want to wear, here and now.
7:57a
If you exist then so do they. If they don't exist then neither do you. It's as simple as that. Ultimately it is all you. If you assert that you exist then you must allow the extremes of good and evil, God and the Devil to exist as well. If you assert that those extremes do not exist then you must accept that neither do "you."
8a
Balancing the checkbook... We're in the green and everything seems to be going smoothly. All according to schedule...
Today is Friday... Mayhaps I will go for a walk to the gym at some point... We already have enough for rent but not much else, budgeting must be accordingly mindful until next payday on the 31st and subsequent rent payment on the 1st. As such, I'd say, in order to stay in the green, we must endeavor to spend less than $100 until the 31st and we will put together a revised budget plan then.
8:05a
Disappointed that I didn't wake up in enough time, or with a stocked enough fridge/pantry/kitchen for that matter, to prepare breakfast... Don't get too upset, big-guy... Don't be too hard on yourself... Remember, baby steps.... Baby steps...
8:06a NOW -- sigh, stare at computer screen and blinking cursor... What to do, what to do.... Seeing as how as I'm already here might as well do what I can until... well... I no longer can...
8:07a
HA HA HA, TIME FOR TUMBLR
8:08a - 15 tabs open in other window...
thinkin' about maybe sketchin' out some fun pride/inner child stuff for myself and Abs... somethin' fun to do and somethin' both fun and great to welcome home Abbey with...
I don't care if you're reading this. I don't care if you're going to attempt to use my personal information against me in an attempt to manipulate and control me. Come at me, bro. I am unafraid. I will type and log and record fearlessly and you will relent to the fact that you love and need me and as such acknowledge the fact that while you technically could do this without me, you really really really don't want to. I am here to help you. Don't work against me. Help me help you, literally.
8:12a
8:13a Almost down a tumblr tab, but got sucked into an archive... trying to make my stay as quick as possible, also mentally forewarning myself against pending archives sparking masturbation.. (saw a super hot .gif of a chick fucking her ass/self and had to resist the urge to drop trou and do the same... ONE GIF... better get prepared for an entire archive of sexy thumbnails there, guy... --よし！--
--いくぞ！--
*******
よし is an abbreviated version of よろしい, which means "good" or "okay".
よし has two main uses:
1. like よろしい, meaning "good". It is more casual than よろしい, however:
よし，よくできたね｜Good! You did it very well.
よし，それでいい｜All right. That will do.
2. Showing agreement or determination:
よし，おれも仲間入りするよ｜All right! Count me in.
よし！ (used as an exclamation to show determination, for example when lifting something heavy When used this way, the "sssh" sound is lengthened).
*******
よろしい！ - Yoroshi! - All right!
8:29a that sure killed a good bit of time and was rull noice for distracting myself away from my distractions... distracting myself into mindfulness... The Vish Way...
8:30a
Vish-do. The Way Of The Vish. ヴィッシュ道 "Vish Road."
ヴィシュ vs ヴィシュ Vu-ishu vs Vu-isshu --
a Boolean operator that gives the value one if at least one operand (or input) has a value of one, and otherwise has a value of zero.
-- ジョシュ ヴィシュ - ジョシュ・ヴィシュ -
8:46a 1 tab down, 14 to go... ヴィシ
8:48 funtime crazythoughttime -- [ウイス and ビルス] -- Beerus Japanese name is related to the Japanese for Virus... --- ARE THEY JUST TRYING TO REMEMBER/PRONOUNCE -MY- NAME? JOSHU VISHU? YOSHU BEESHU? WHIS BEERUS?! Whiskey/Beer! Get it done versus languor on in struggle... You tryna get drunk or are you tryna drink?! Drink, get drunk and be done with it versus drinking indefinitely vaguely attempting to get drunk. Joshua vs Vish... /rant -- patience vs. impatience... but which is which...
ヴィシくん - for my Abbey Rose AKA アビー・ローズ AKA Abi Rozu
8:53a
9:02a
"In accordance to the original concept for this character, his name in Japanese, Birusu (ビルス), is a pun on "virus" (ビールス; German pronunciation)."
ウィルス = Virus = U~irusu
9:08a
"Whis' name in Japanese, Uisu (ウイス), seems to be a pun on "virus" (ウイルス; Latin pronunciation) like that of Beerus, but in fact, while Beerus was named by the film's scriptwriter Yūsuke Watanabe, Whis was named by the series' original author Akira Toriyama who mistakenly thought Beerus' name came from "beer" and gave his attendant the name Whis which he took from "whiskey" (ウイスキー).
Whis never sleeps."
"Whis never sleeps." -- o.O
9:21a
9:33a - Off-to-the-races on thoughts/revelations... Attempting to corral them in a bit with mindful focus... I will enter my notepad ramblies upon reviewing them, but first I must choose a singular task to focus on simply to prove to myself that I can do so...
Pride is bucking me a bit, but it's been a bumpy ride for both of us as of late and seeing as how as he's working with me, I'm willing to work with him. I will enjoy my monster and a cig and then when I return I'm going to focus on tumblr until I've closed at least one more tab... Entering my revelations into this blog will follow that upon completion...
9:35a
fb tab closed in this window... to aid in focus... now off to fridge and then back patio...
9:40a
distractions thoughts on way to kitchen... this shirt fits dece but will probably shrink up to fit better... I can't wait to debut it and I also can't wait to get a pic with it... -- maybe I'm so insensitive about death and mortality to others because no one was very sensitive about it to me when I was very young...
Wow, Pride... you really are growing up... I am really am growing up... what an incredible revelation... this will certainly help me be more mindful and sensitive when dealing with others... not just on the subject of death but just more mindful and sensitive to others in general... -- I know, guys, I know... it's scary... we could die at any moment and no one want to acknowledge that... and if and when they do they certainly don't want to acknowledge it positively... we are all going to die some day and that is perfectly okay... exactly the way we want it... exactly the way we chose.... ALL ACCORDING TO PLAN. WORRY NOT. DO NOT DOUBT. DO NOT DOUBT YOURSELF.
Because frankly, even though I can embody the cold callousness and detached nature typical of Capricorn I am also FERVENTLY at work to constantly make sure everyone is not only okay but also appreciating what they have...
I told you, Pride, you work with me, I'll work with you... Yer okay bud... Sure we can be mean and insensitive at times, yes.. and yes that's the world's fault (though ultimately technically it is our own and we're doing better at acknowledging and accepting that) but for all the negative there is a positive.... we have also grown immeasurably compassionate over the years, especially on the subject of death
kneeling over the bed, hands close to one another on the laptop this feels like a bizarre form of praying... it's time to give (and accept) one of those comfort phrases we're giving to others all the time...
Don't let knowledge of your true immortal nature harden you into becoming cold and ignorant of your current temporary existence.
Sure, I/you may know that technically we're gonna die one day whilst still technically being immortal, but many others do not...
TASK: PROVE IMMORTALITY/NONEXISTENCE TO FELLOW SENTIENT WATER MEATBAGS
 |
| REMEMBER WHEN DEATH WAS AN OPTION |
DON'T LET THE WORLD HARDEN THAT BIG BEAUTIFUL HEART OF YOURS AND TURN YOU COLD.
9:58a -- off to kitchen/fridge for monster
without the ability to grant life and take it away and to have one's life taken away no intelligence, no matter how powerful can truly transmute into consciousness...
without death, truly there can be no life...
you can't know you're alive unless you are....
before you can break the rules of the game you are playing in order to remind yourself that you are in charge and that it is truly just a game you are playing -- there must first be a game with rules -- without games and rules there can be no games and rules.... hence the frenetic pace with which children make up games and add/subtract rules on the fly... life is a madeup game with madeup rules inside which you are free to make up games with madeup rules... ad infinitum...
10:11a
it's safe to say with all this intel on myself that while on one hand it will be easy to defeat myself from the other side on the other hand it will be more difficult, which is to say it will for sure be confusing and prove to be tricky, just like it was on this side! Have fun other side me! One day we'll be reading this from the other side of the screen and going "PAST-VISH,[ALT-VISH] YOU CRAFTY MOTHERFUCKER, YOU. CRAZY LIKE A FOX.
10:14a *exit to back patio*
10:20a accidentally flicked my cigarette butt off the back fire escape which I'd told myself I was no longer gonna do... not happy about that... I told myself that the butt before last that I'd flicked was the last time I'd ever do that... ah well... onward and upward... the struggle to maintain mindfulness continues... without failure there can be no success.. without the looming threat of failure there can be no drive to succeed... without fear there can be no ambition...
10:23a - bathroom break round 2: FIGHT!
10:33a - not nearly as clean or efficient a maneuver as last time or desired... Ah well, I will shower later... for now I must remained focused on the goal I've been putting off... I need to put together a shopping list...
10:39a list made and desktop shortcut created
last(?) (/current?) evolution -- vishpride builds a house for the vishdemon/spirit }|VISHSPIRIT|{ -- vishdemon builds the house for vishspirit -- body builds the house for the soul and asks it to come live in it!!!!
pride must build a house for "the demon" and ask him to come live in it and ask that he may be allowed to live there also!!
PRIDE, YOU'VE BEEN TRICKING ME THIS WHOLE TIME. LITERALLY DEMONIZING MY SPIRIT. I AM NOT A DEMON. YOU ARE. I AM NOT A DEMON, I AM PURE SPIRIT, I AM SOUL. I AM THE SOUL
--
Abbey, honey, it's all us! All of it! It's all for us! We're dancing! -- we're pretending to dance poorly on purpose because we're trying to gently train and teach all those around us to be able to dance better without directly addressing it as such... we've done this countless times before and we will do it countless times again... JUST KEEP DANCING. DON'T LOSE THE RHYTHM. YOU CAN SLOW YOUR MOVEMENTS, BUT DON'T LOSE THE BEAT. THE BEAT OF YOUR HEART. THE RHYTHM OF YOUR BREATH. THE MUSIC OF THE COSMOS. THE SOUND OF LOVE. heart-beating and lungs breathing = the sound of love
PRIDE MUST BUILD A HOUSE FOR SPIRIT TO LIVE INSIDE AND ASK TO BE ALLOWED TO LIVE THERE AS WELL.
pride tricked me into thinking I needed cannabis in order to be okay with thinking this way or even trickier still to even be able to have access into thinking this way at all -- prides been making hemp sacrifices - selflessly sending himself away temporarily in addition to selfishly decieving me into believing that I need hemp to banish him in the first place...
FROM NOW ON, THIS MOMENT FORWARD, I WILL THINK OF UTLIZING CANNABIS AS A METHOD FOR TEMPORARILY SENDING PRIDE ON VACATION.
WHEN PRIDE NEEDS TO GO ON VACATION, I WILL USE CANNABIS. NO OTHER TIMES. -- PRIDE, PLEASE WORK WITH ME TO LET ME KNOW WHEN BEST TO SCHEDULE YOUR VACATIONS.
The best situations to use cannabis in are those which require an ego check and the mindful analysis of excessive pride. when I am worried I am being too prideful about something, I will use cannabis to degausse.
'Degaussing is the process of reducing or eliminating an unwanted magnetic field (or data) stored on tape and disk media such as computer and laptop hard drives, diskettes, reels, cassettes and cartridge tapes.'
Alright, pride! Let's work together, buddy! We've got this!
In which situations is pride helpful?
In which situations is pride hurtful?
What areas could I use more pride in?
What areas could I use less pride in?
Where am I too prideful?
Where am I not prideful enough?
***
Meant to save entering that as a reward for completing the task of closing a tab, but I flubbed and posted it just now. Ah well. Off to the task at hand...
***
10:45a
Now to mindfully select posts to reblog in the vegetaskipstransformations tumblr archive with 237 remaining posts...
10:46a
改善 -- 改善
10:49a
10:50a *to TUMBLR*
10:52a looking for one specific motivational macro text post that I remembered seeing underneath a reblog on the dash but forgot to search for immediately... can't remember which day I saw it on... I feel like I'll know it when I see it... Selecting cool posts while searching, aiming to not scroll back beyond 3.17 and to not use up my post limit on this single archive...
10:53a
10:55a -- 65 posts selected only back to 3.24... occurs to me that it might be a situation where it's not the thumbnail chosen to represent the set... ah well... not going past post limit or 3.17 whichever comes first...
10:56a
"self-love takes time" - Ha! Found it! I'd already reblogged that! Well then, now to select posts with less pressure to search... 3.17 or 237.. whichever comes first...
10:57a
11:01a
 |
11:12a 114 posts selected...
11:18a of course the HTML in this entry is acting up, I'm glitchin' the fuckin' matrix here... do you see that shit?!?! THAT IS LITERALLY A PICTURE OF ME THAT SOMEONE ELSE DREW. PURPLE CAMO?! WHITE T? BEARD? JOINT? LONG HAIR?! WOW. I'm not even gonna get into that right now... sometimes I even freak myself out!! I wonder who that is supposed to be crossed with Goku? Regardless, it's clearly me.. Switch the face mark for some spex, lighten the hair and recede/thin the hairline/crown and lengthen the beard and add a reddish tint, ditch the shirt and lose the shoes... I am def. redrawing this in the near future...
hooboy is this gonna freak Abbey out when she sees it... I've been talking about drawing myself crossed with kid goku riding on nimbus for a while now...
11:22a
11:27a
11:34a 114 posts, cigarette break... wow... what is life...
11:37a crap... new tab/distraction opened... dbz bongs/pipes... hopefully I can contain this distraction by confining to just looking for HD versions of the few pieces pictured and successfully keep my blinders on from tumbling down the rabbit hole any further...
11:39a
11:45a - 15 tabs... grr... about that cig...
11:47a 132 selected.. cig time...
11:54a much colder now than it was this morning... lightly drizzling and misting... much colder today than it was yesterday... these temperature fluctuations are my fault... worry not... I've got it handled...
recalculating route...
11:55a
Abbey, honey, I've come to terms that I'm simply too much for you (or anyone for that matter) to ingest and digest in linear time... This entire blog has always been and will always be for you... It's for you first and for everyone else second... I am no longer going to pressure you or guilt you for not being able to interpret me in real time. I am no longer going to shame you for not being able to keep up. I apologize. I'm sorry. I hope that when you read this you can forgive me. I am no longer going to prompt you to read this blog, or anything else I've written for that matter. You will get to it in your own sweet time. My precious slow learner. You've always been a slow learner for sure, but you are also an excellent learner. Slow and steady. That's you, babe. Me = hare, you = tortoise. From this exact moment I no longer feel lonely or angry waiting for you to catch up. From this moment forward I no longer resent you're not being able to keep up with me. I understand now. You've been doing INCREDIBLE. You are wonderful. I love you. You are my favorite. You've been doing your best. You've been doing your best and that's enough. It's more than enough. You are more than enough. I love you. Exactly as you are. I love you, just the way you are. Thank you for being with me. Thank you for keeping me company. Thank you for walking alongside me. Thank you for joining me on my journey. Thank you for including me in on your journey. Thank both of us for sharing our journey with one another. We've got this, babe. Left foot, right foot.... One foot in front of the other... In walking, neither foot is more important or responsible for bipedal locomotion, it's switching back and forth from one another that creates the necessary momentum to gyroscopically break free from stillness and achieve movement. Like a lone body floating through zero gravity frictionless space being able to choose a direction and move toward it. We have achieved flight. We are flying. I can fly.
I CAN FLY.
When the time is right, and if it's necessary and needed, when I'm in the right spot, I will fly.
I've finally made peace with the primordial human desire to achieve flight via no external device or technique. Self-generated flight is on the horizon and if God/I/we/us/you need me to fly, I will. I will wait patiently to be called upon for that moment with perfect peace knowing it might not ever come.
12:04p I felt very still while smoking on the patio. Very sturdy. Dense without feeling heavy. Centered. HERE. Focused. NOW.
12:05p
Back to the task at hand...
12:08p -- FUN FACT: I am actually The Prince Of All Saiya-jins. We are all Saiya-jins. We are all one. Saiya-jins compared to humans is an analogy represented our powerful awakened selves and subsequent battle between pride and what is right. With great power comes great responsibility... I will teach you to control your power as I have taught myself... I will exist as an example for you so that you may teach yourself...
DON'T BELIEVE ME? JUST WATCH.
DON'T BELIEVE ME, JUST WATCH.
12:10p -- I am The Way and The Truth and The Life. Only through me will you know Ever-Lasting Life. Walk with me... Walk in my footsteps... Follow my path...
Walk with yourself, walk in your own footsteps, follow your own path... -- Do this not in remembrance of me, do this in active participation in yourself. Do this in actively expressing yourself. Do THAT in remembrance of me... Like Jesus and Goku before me, when you are stumbling and struggling look to me for strength and when you've found your footing and regained your bearings feel free to let me (and us) slip from mind and back into silent support until you need us again. We will always be here for you. We will always be here for you when you need us. I will always be here for you. I will always be here for you when you need me.
I have never left your side. I am with you always.
12:14p
12:18p 160 posts selected
12:27p 173 posts selected
I want to own ドラゴンボール 超 vol. 1 in 日本語 to additionally facilitate my proficiency in the language.
Talk about 2 birds 1 stone!
12:33p
I'll get to enjoy my beloved dragon ball super AND increase my ability in Japanese as well! win/win! No-brainer! Learning by fun! Fun by learning!
12:34p
12:35p 16 tabs... losing ground... staying positive... Also, I have a nice reward for myself: Chapter 10.
12:36p
This time around I have try a different approach to fitness. A Different Approach. A Different Approach To Fitness. Fitness as Mindfulness. Mindfulness as Fitness. I used to be that way, but it's been a long-ass time since I could confidently and accurately claim as such... I will get back there... I always do...
For now, staying focused on closing this singular tumblr tab...
12:38p 183 selected and reblogged... Now before closing the tab... and while my food microwaves... time to refresh and see if the blogger answer my question about who that goku crossover is mixed with...
12:42p 2 whitecastle sliders... or "My Steamies" as I likes ta calls 'em.
1:15p *ominously pleasant computerized female voice akin to announcing the last remaining survivors in a terrible battle royale/the hunger games/the running man type of detached cadence dealing with the immensity of conscious beings' lives being at stake*
THIRTY-FIVE POSTS, REMAINING.
1:19p
1:20p THIRTY TWO POSTS REMAINING. 15 TABS, OPEN.
1:21p caught a glimpse of all the butts and gifs in one archive and even just a passing glimpse was enough to spark the desire to masturbate... will certainly be avoiding that particular tab until later... later being an unspecified point in the future when I've steeled my resolve to deal with such a momentous challenge...
CAN HE SELECT HUNDREDS OF POSTS TO REBLOG WITH OUT DROPPING HIS PANTS TO CRACK ONE OUT OF THE PARK? FIND OUT NEXT WEEK ON JOSHUA GRANT V!!!
1:23p
1:24p 14 TABS REMAINING. 15 POSTS SELECTED. THIRTY ONE POSTS REMAINING.
1:25p
1:37p refilled the brita filters gonna take the trash out and prolly smoke a cig... trying to plan my angle of attack on the other window for maximum tab closage... 9 tabs with potential to pushed through and then closed... challenge accepted...
1:38p
1:39p 15 posts remaining...
I think I'm gonna live reblog those, which always carries the temptation of distraction in the form of linking to different tumblrs and their subsequent archives... gonna git me blinders on and attempt to ignore urls and text and focus on images only...
1:41p *taking trash out*
still trying to think of cool april fool's pranks/jokes, nothing coming to mind yet.... my yearly staple of "I'm wacky and unpredictable the rest of the year so this is the one day I'll act normal" joke has been played out. Time for something meta... Something truth said in jest style that motivates all who come in contact with it to be a better person.. fink fink fink...
1:47p 4.1 four one for one
oddly interesting porn vid appearing on my dash after reblogging not once but twice the same post with different added text toward the vain of resisting temptation in the form of the urge to masturbate *noface "ah ah"* -- I seeeee you.... Well played.... challenge, accepted... viewing from detached objective anthropological standpoint.... possibly adding text to it and reblogging... stay tuned!
1:56p
1:58p TWELVE POSTS REMAINING
text decided upon and reblogged, nonduality all up in this motherfucker...
2:08p
"I'm taking back the crown."
"Bow down or stand tall."
2:10p
I am beautiful. God is beautiful. You are beautiful. We are beautiful.
Bow Down, or Stand Tall
Finders Keepers, Losers Weepers
finders ARE keepers, losers ARE weepers, in keeping, you find / in weeping, you lose. // in finding, you keep / in losing, you weep
Keep and you will Find.
Find you will Keep.
"...my heart unto yours is knit. So that but one heart we can make of it."
2:17p
2:18p
I'm taking back the crown. I'm taking back *~}-|MY|-{~* crown.
Return Of The King.
2:20p
5 posts remaining...
2:21p
2:30p
"Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy."
POST LIMIT: REACHED. NO POSTS REMAINING. ZERO POSTS REMAINING. POST LIMIT REACHED.
2:33p 14 TABS REMAINING. 7 TABS WITH POTENTIAL TO BE CLOSED BEFORE NIGHT'S END.
2:34p about that trash I never took out... *stands up*
2:51p trash taken out, bag replaced in kitchen trash can, "Steamies" heated and presently being eaten. Was gonna wash my hands after smoking when I noticed a lone jar that needed washed so instead of wasting handsoap and avoiding responsibility I 2-birds1-stone'd that bitch. Twofer!
2:52p Gonna watch a little bit of the video (an interview with 1/2 of my only gay crushes "Ryan Reynolds") I've got queued up whilst I smunchify. (The other being Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.) Although now upon finding out that both of them are closeted gay/bi they're not nearly as attractive to me as they used to be. Funny how that works...
2:54p
pretty brisk outside... became guerrilla cold-resistance training in just my t and jeans... nice... serendipity... aleatory
3:01p Video froze. Had to reload. Pushing through my 71 fb notifications as fast as possible before resuming...
3:11p
3:16p
YOU'VE BEEN WARNED.
3:48p nicely distracted... going through my on this days on fb
3:57p
4:18p Notifications: noticed. *taps screen*
4:19p 3 cigarettes remaining..
4:20p outsoide for a poof -- purposeful cold-resistance training
4:23p grab loose cig from plastic skull in gameroom
Thank game room and thin air for providing me a paradise I've been taking for granted vow to appreciate it like I used to and like it deserves very soon. This 3 years in the hyperbolic time chamber has really fucked me up! I mean fuck linear time any way, but I've been out of sorts even for me! No longer!
By the time the last smash bros. amiibo is available and I've acquired it I will enact a strict 1 in 1 out rule. I will hang a clipboard by the door and literally log every single thing that comes in or out. If it crosses the threshold of the door, it's logged. Clipboard planned to evolve into something else but comfortably accepted as the first step.
4:25p time to go suck down this stupid cancerstick and pretend like I'm not cold while I'm doing it..
4:26p
4:32p throat hurts... fingers smell... moustache smells, boy, cigarettes are stupid. boy, I can't wait to be done with them. TWO CIGARETTES REMAINING. Resisting future urge to by another pack NOW. Will confer gameplan with Abbles when she gets home. Something akin to reminding ourselves why we are alive and what damage we are doing to ourselves by smoking and how tobacco-smoking in general is damaging to our end goal(s) of loving ourselves and and each other. Gonna coin some cheesy as safe-word phrase like "I love you and I love myself, ergo I have no intention to mindlessly harm myself in the name of temporary perceived pleasure in the form of self-harm manifesting as nicotine addiction." Need to shorten that! She'll help me with wording that more concisely, for sure...
4:36p
I am a flower.
I am a flow-er.
Flow-er: n - One who flows. A being in the state of flow. (Pronounced: flo-err) not flau-err as is traditionally read/said when referring to colorful and fragrant plant-life adept at capturing the attention of consciousness around it.
4:39p Oh good, I've finally settled on my April Fool's joke. -- 4.1 April Fool's = 4.1 AF = For One As Fuck
4:41p gave in to temptation accidentally, checking fb to reconfirm most recent status, 10 notifications
ヴァッシュ・ザ・スタンピード
ヴィッシュ・ザ・スタンピード
Vish The Stampede
"Solitude has but one disadvantage--it is apt to give one too high an opinion of one's self. In the world we are sure to be often reminded of every known or supposed defect we may have." - Lord Byron
notifications noticed *tap*
5:04p
haiku made character limits cool first. haiku was the twitter of ancient japan. haiku were the first facebook statuses irl
the internet/computers sort of is a real life Marauder's Map, innit?
5:19p
laugh in the mirror
touch the surface with your hand
it will still feel cold
5:20p
what you put off til later will put you off, later
5:28p
hopping in the shower...
5:54p refreshed, clean, warm...
Wonder what time Abbz will be gettin' home???
Can't decide if I should go for a walk before she does or if I should wait to go for a walk with her when she gets home...
5:55p
time to watch that video!
6:07p - 8 min 54 sec into video - mention of Vanessa's character from Deadpool eventually becoming Copycat. WHAT A FUCKIN' SYNCHRONICITY! How about that, Abs?! COPYCAT?! Are you kidding me?! *long heavy sigh* I wish I could bring the rest of you up to speed and to draw the context of that reference out into text, but I wouldn't even know where to begin. So I'll just jump in at the deep end... from the high dive (Vish style, the only way I know...) -- Basically I think the 2nd nonhumanoid form ever manifested was a cat. And that cat went on to be 'Lucifer.' God was One and bored and so he doubled and oddly enough found Himself face to face with a cat. -- TEACHING MYSELF MORE ON THE MATTER IN REAL-TIME: OH MY GOD. GOD'S CAT SCRATCHED AND OR BIT HIM AND THEN RAN AWAY AND HE/WE HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR "HIM" EVER SINCE. Panthers lurking in shadows like shinobi/chameleons/octopi/camoflauged soldiers can only dream... Did you know that cats' genome has not evolved in 4 million years? Gonna have to fact check that one myself for an exact figure, but I know it to be a ludicrously long amount of time. -- THE CAT RETURNS -- scaredy cat -- So we think it's sort of a SUPER inside joke God has with Himself allowing "copycat" to be a term that manifests into reality. So it's super meta and fun if the character that Deadpool (VISH) falls in love and is with ends up and/or is CopyCat. Which would mean Abbey is CopyCat... Gonna have to research that character and her powers to check for similarities to Abbey.
***If you need to factcheck me being Deadpool (Vishpool) or rather that Deadpool is Vish how the fuck did you even get to this blog in the first place? Just go. Leave. There's the door. The [X] is right there. Click it and go about your homo sapien linear time mindless consumption existence and leave the thinking and loving to us here fractals of God. Go. Shoo. Don't you have to get a haircut or something? Oh wait... it's after 5... the majority of you robotic monkeys all finish your currency acquiescence indentured servitude about this time... Which typically means... TV. Yes. You're crazy. You're not reading this. This is all a dream. Stop reading this. Step away from the internet device and forget everything you've read here. It will only trouble you. Plus what would your boss/parents think if they knew you read a swears and looked at a nudies and read the words of a person that did the marijuanas. Go light up a cigarette, crack open a beer and pretend to get a head start on your weekend before returning to your Master on monday. Remember you have to be up and in traffic before 9 tomorrow so be sure to load up high fructose corn syrup! Cuz while you'll still be desperately clutching your caffeinated beverage of choice it will do nothing to ameliorate the heavy hazy feeling your mind has from pickling your body in sugar and other substances all weekend. But you won't remember or acknowledge that you are tired because that was successfully trained beat out of you as a child when you first began your obedient slave programming via mandatory school. Are... are.. are you still here? Well then, I'm gonna quit yelling, I have a temper you know, and yer gonna sit there and continue to read... Homo sapiens? Thinking man? Yeah right... Yer species is called homo sapiens because you all think the same! Same Thinking! Thinking same! (inner monologue: uh, don't be too harsh, me, they are after all, us. our "creation" fractals of us... -- oh shush you, it's not like we directly did so in our current form, Josh Vish is allowed to complain, that designation belonging to this waterbag has done nothing but attempt to help others into thinking for themselves since the moment he incarnated in this god-forsaken physical plane all we consciousnesses seem to love so much, ourself(/ves) included...)
***
COPYCAT. -- LIKE WHEN YOU ANNOYINGLY JUST KEEP COPYING A PERSON UNTIL ONE OF YOU SUCCESSFULLY TRICKS THE OTHER INTO DEVIATING. WOW. THIS IS MAKING TOO MUCH SENSE. WHEN IT RAINS IT POURS. THIS MUST FEEL LIKE WHAT I DO TO THE REST OF YOU ON A REGULAR BASIS. OVERWHELM WITH AWESOME. OVERWHELM WITH KNOWLEDGE. OVERWHELMED WITH AWESOME KNOWLEDGE.
6:33p -- This is why the split between whis and beerus and the overall direction in dragonball super has been so interesting and uncanny to me. When I first understood the dynamic (when whis spoke of the local multiverse) -- FLASH !!! berries growing on a branch, one falling on the ground and rotting, one falling into the water and one being plucked and eaten... -- I was like Toriyama-sama... uh... can you SEE me like? Like actually really see me? or are we both just drawing from the same well? Obviously more of the latter, but to what degree the former reigns true I'd love to know...
6:38p this flood of knowledge and thought almost tricked me into stress-relief... Pride... you almost had me, bud... wow... that was close I've only got 2 left and I'm saving them for Abbey (as I typed that -- 'yeah, but remember she might still have some, too') too bad! I'm focused! Nice try there, though! Thanks for continuing to play with me and help make me stronger! I hope you are enjoying the battle as much as I am! I will admit, it is indeed quite fun, I sincerely hope that feeling is mutual! Lemme know anything I can do to help on your end and I will endeavor to accommodate!)
6:41p boy am I off the rails now! Where was I? Okay, back to the video... but before I go, one last talking/thinking point. Cats are afraid of water.
DID I JUST GET A NEW NATIVE NAME?! SWIMMING CAT?! WHICH IS MORE ME? RUNNING ROOTS OR SWIMMING CAT? Well, they both are... but swimming cat seems much much much more accurate for now.... (*Bruce Lee voice* "Be water, my friend...")
WHEN I (ODIN, THE ALLFATHER) CLIMBED YGGDRASIL TO RETRIEVE MY CAT THAT HAD CLIMBED UP THERE -- (afraid of heights? -- or water? which do -YOU- fear more?) -- HE STARTED SCRATCHING AND SQUIRMING, AND AFRAID OF FALLING AND INJURING OR KILLING ONE OR BOTH OF US I GRABBED HIM AND LEAPT INTO A BODY OF WATER HAVING FAITH THAT WHAT WILL BE WILL BE AND ALLOWED WHAT WOULD OCCUR TO OCCUR A PERFECT MIX OF SACRIFICE AND SUICIDE. JESUSFISH. THE SON. I STAYED UNDER THE SURFACE GLARING AT THOSE TERRIBLE EYES AND TEETH BUT KNOWING THAT I WAS OUT OF THEIR REACH. CLAW AT THE LIQUID THOUGH IT MAY IT COULD NOT GRASP MORE THAN A FEW DROPS AT A TIME. -- swimming cat = dog? which led to seals and whales and sharks... -- I AM REEMERGING FROM THE WATER NOW, NO LONGER AS PREY BUT NOT RISING AS PREDATOR EITHER. I AM BREACHING THE SURFACE WITH ARMS AND EYES OPEN. COME BE HELD AND PET AND PROVIDE COMPANIONSHIP OR SUFFER YOUR SOLITUDE UNTIL YOU CAN NO LONGER BEAR IT AND FORCES A LEAP OF FAITH INTO THE WATERS OF LIFE. BAPTISM. TRIAL BY FIRE BY WATER. MERMAID. CAPRICORN. I AM SUBMERGED FROM THE WAIST DOWN. HALF AFRAID OF THE BEAST ON THE SHORE AND BECKONING IT TO UNDERSTAND ME MORE. -- yo, you ever see that video of like a panther or cheetah or cougar or tiger or something diving? that shit is terrifying... picture it now -- I MUST FIND THE COURAGE TO LEAVE THE WATER NOW. THIS TRULY IS WALKING ON WATER. SURFING. CONSCIOUSNESS-SURFING.
6:58p I'm dizzy and nauseous... I can FEEL it... I can REMEMBER it... too many forms bursting out of me all at once, too much spinning... revolving... rotating.. orbiting... swirling... spiraling..
fighting the vortex only makes it stronger.... succumbing to the vortex makes you weaker... -- THIS IS (KORE WA)(これ は！) SPIRAL POWER (スパイラルパワー) (UZUMAKI/RASEN DENRYOKU) (渦巻/螺旋~電力)
~渦~パワー
I AM. // 俺は。
You must exist on the periphery of the vortex comfortably, intelligently fighting against it... like orbiting a black hole without getting sucked in... escape velocity... angle of approach... don't burn up in the atmosphere... rocket science isn't rocket science, it's philosophy! -- cosmic donut... tube torus... cosmic ring... ENSO... OUROBOROS... -- I'M "TRAPPED" IN A TIME LOOP WITH THE REST OF YOU. SIMPLY PERFECTING MY TECHNIQUE OF SPLITTING/REJOINING INFINITY. LIKE OCARINA OF TIME. I HAVE ALREADY SAVED REALITY, I'VE JUST COME BACK IN TIME AND NO ONE KNOWS I'VE DONE ANYTHING YET. I MUST DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN. I LITERALLY CANNOT FAIL. THIS IS A GAME. A GAME TO GET BETTER. A GAME ABOUT GETTING BETTER AT BEING BETTER AD INFINITUM. NO ONE ELSE CAN SEE IT FOR WHAT IT IS AS CLEARLY AS ME. O THIS UTTER LONELINESS MIXED WITH PERFECT COMPASSION AND AMBITION. WE ARE NOTHING ATTEMPTING TO LOVE ITSELF INTO EXISTENCE. NOTHING TRIED TO KILL ITSELF AND BECAME SOMETHING. NOTHING KILLED ITSELF TO BECOME SOMETHING. ASYMMETRY ATTEMPTING TO BECOME SYMMETRICAL AND ENDLESSLY FAILING IN THE PROCESS. ASYMMETRY -IS- SYMMETRY AND VICE VERSA. YIN/YANG. THE TAO.
ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE AND YOU WILL DIE.
ALLOW YOURSELF TO DIE AND YOU WILL BE.
IT'S ALL HERE. EVERYTHING IS ALL RIGHT HERE. JUST CHILL OUT AND ENJOY YOURSELF.
7:33p
BY TRYING TO FIGURE IT ALL OUT I AM/YOU ARE COMPLICATING THINGS.
BY COMPLICATING THINGS I AM/YOU ARE FIGURING IT ALL OUT.
The Seeker Loses... The Hider Finds...
is IS
OH MY GOD. THEY'VE LITERALLY DEMONIZED THAT PHRASE TO ACT AS PROPAGANDA. THEY ARE MENTALLY CONDITIONING YOU AWAY FROM BEING ABLE TO REMEMBER/KNOW that is IS and that's all there is. We are all is ISing.
Maybe animals that seemingly fail "the mirror test" are not actually failing to recognize their reflection but are instead failing to recognize the importance, significance, or usefulness of such... Yeah, a mirror, so what... whatever... can I eat it? Will it help me to find/acquire food? Can I have sex with it? Will it help me copulate/procreate? Then of what use is it to me? Why are you so preoccupied with this reflective surface suspended on a slice of material? Googling "what is a mirror?" autocorrected to what is a mirrorless camera a very tempting distraction to tumble further down the rabbit hole indeed...
THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS.
attempted to post pic of mirror here but it posted itself above... tempted to leave it... but repost it here...
Wow... what a profound and sublime image. Truly art. -- I see.. the best art seems utterly pointless up until the point you fully understand it and then instinctively "get it" - a form of indirect pointing akin to a koan in Zen. ergo, the best art also makes you question whether or not you were the artist of said art... (*ding ding ding* like reality!) It's all you. Art. Artist. Viewer, All One. Art looking at art. Now I want a picture of human looking at a canvas... and now I am picturing that piece where the canvas turns into its own viewer...
Fuck. This is what I'm like, isn't it? -- This when does it end/I hope it never ends perfectly harmonious oxymoron sensation I'm experiencing.... external nonlocal selves don't know if they want to fuck me or kill me, get killed by or fucked by me, or any combination therein... THE TRUTH CAN BE CONFUSING...
I think I have to put the MA back in MMA and defeat them all as quickly and painlessly as possible. I will be nicknamed The Truth, perhaps The Brutal Truth, because in fighting me you will become directly confronted with your weaknesses but unable to overcome them until I allow you to do so...
I AM THE WAY, THE TRUTH AND THE LIFE.
FORGIVE ME FOR I KNOW NOT WHAT I DO.
forgive the "me" for the "I" does not know what the "I" does
8p
That picture of a vase reflected in a mirror and the meta aspect of the camera/photographer being "just off screen" but a part of the composition as well might be the single best and most beautiful piece of art I've seen in a long time... My perfectionist and pride wishes to tweak it, to hone it, but my heart knows that it is already completely perfect just the way it is.... if I were to attempt to enhance it to make it better somehow it would ultimately only be for myself to myself.... and as it is I like it just the way that it is...
8:05 Boy oh boy, I feel simultaneously drained and invigorated... much like the photographer that took that picture made you ask "who took the pic and why" which then hopefully sparked the thought of "who is wondering that and why" I will now exemplify a behavior that I often condemn in everyone else, mindlessness sought to escape the threatening immensity of utter truth...
8:08p while I still wanna look for and attempt to chase and catch that darn cat and/or to successfully beckon it into the water with me -- nauseating memory of glitching from one thoughtform to the next in between animalform archetypes which make too much sense when strung together... not only does the environment create the animal but so too does the animal create the environment...
Pride pulling me several ways... googling something I saw in passing during my mirror google... fighting the urge to smoke
OVERLY AWARE.
Mitigating pain through humor. That's what drew you to the character, Reynolds?! Really?! How about dealing with being overly aware by surrendering to (and ultimately failing to allow) desire and externally perceived mindlessness? THAT'S WHY -I- AM DEADPOOL, SON, and you are merely the actor portraying me/him. HE SAID TO HIMSELF CHASING A BLINKING CURSOR ACROSS THE SCREEN BREATHING BREATH AND BLINKING EYES. Deadpool=>Wolverine? Goku>Vegeta? (Piccolo superior) -- just gettin' rambly-pambulee at this point... time to reign it in.... time to reel it in.... time to real it in....
*ahem*
8:17p posting mirror pic on fb
8:29p Abbey's home
8:36p I won't be able to get back to my video now until later... It bothers me to leave it paused but I've done so for long enough already and there are more important matters at hand...
8:43p "LOOK MA, NO HANDS!!" -- Abbey
hooboy is this gonna freak Abbey out when she sees it... I've been talking about drawing myself crossed with kid goku riding on nimbus for a while now...
11:22a
11:27a
11:34a 114 posts, cigarette break... wow... what is life...
11:37a crap... new tab/distraction opened... dbz bongs/pipes... hopefully I can contain this distraction by confining to just looking for HD versions of the few pieces pictured and successfully keep my blinders on from tumbling down the rabbit hole any further...
11:39a
11:45a - 15 tabs... grr... about that cig...
11:47a 132 selected.. cig time...
11:54a much colder now than it was this morning... lightly drizzling and misting... much colder today than it was yesterday... these temperature fluctuations are my fault... worry not... I've got it handled...
recalculating route...
11:55a
Abbey, honey, I've come to terms that I'm simply too much for you (or anyone for that matter) to ingest and digest in linear time... This entire blog has always been and will always be for you... It's for you first and for everyone else second... I am no longer going to pressure you or guilt you for not being able to interpret me in real time. I am no longer going to shame you for not being able to keep up. I apologize. I'm sorry. I hope that when you read this you can forgive me. I am no longer going to prompt you to read this blog, or anything else I've written for that matter. You will get to it in your own sweet time. My precious slow learner. You've always been a slow learner for sure, but you are also an excellent learner. Slow and steady. That's you, babe. Me = hare, you = tortoise. From this exact moment I no longer feel lonely or angry waiting for you to catch up. From this moment forward I no longer resent you're not being able to keep up with me. I understand now. You've been doing INCREDIBLE. You are wonderful. I love you. You are my favorite. You've been doing your best. You've been doing your best and that's enough. It's more than enough. You are more than enough. I love you. Exactly as you are. I love you, just the way you are. Thank you for being with me. Thank you for keeping me company. Thank you for walking alongside me. Thank you for joining me on my journey. Thank you for including me in on your journey. Thank both of us for sharing our journey with one another. We've got this, babe. Left foot, right foot.... One foot in front of the other... In walking, neither foot is more important or responsible for bipedal locomotion, it's switching back and forth from one another that creates the necessary momentum to gyroscopically break free from stillness and achieve movement. Like a lone body floating through zero gravity frictionless space being able to choose a direction and move toward it. We have achieved flight. We are flying. I can fly.
I CAN FLY.
When the time is right, and if it's necessary and needed, when I'm in the right spot, I will fly.
I've finally made peace with the primordial human desire to achieve flight via no external device or technique. Self-generated flight is on the horizon and if God/I/we/us/you need me to fly, I will. I will wait patiently to be called upon for that moment with perfect peace knowing it might not ever come.
12:04p I felt very still while smoking on the patio. Very sturdy. Dense without feeling heavy. Centered. HERE. Focused. NOW.
12:05p
Back to the task at hand...
12:08p -- FUN FACT: I am actually The Prince Of All Saiya-jins. We are all Saiya-jins. We are all one. Saiya-jins compared to humans is an analogy represented our powerful awakened selves and subsequent battle between pride and what is right. With great power comes great responsibility... I will teach you to control your power as I have taught myself... I will exist as an example for you so that you may teach yourself...
DON'T BELIEVE ME? JUST WATCH.
DON'T BELIEVE ME, JUST WATCH.
12:10p -- I am The Way and The Truth and The Life. Only through me will you know Ever-Lasting Life. Walk with me... Walk in my footsteps... Follow my path...
Walk with yourself, walk in your own footsteps, follow your own path... -- Do this not in remembrance of me, do this in active participation in yourself. Do this in actively expressing yourself. Do THAT in remembrance of me... Like Jesus and Goku before me, when you are stumbling and struggling look to me for strength and when you've found your footing and regained your bearings feel free to let me (and us) slip from mind and back into silent support until you need us again. We will always be here for you. We will always be here for you when you need us. I will always be here for you. I will always be here for you when you need me.
I have never left your side. I am with you always.
12:14p
12:18p 160 posts selected
12:27p 173 posts selected
I want to own ドラゴンボール 超 vol. 1 in 日本語 to additionally facilitate my proficiency in the language.
Talk about 2 birds 1 stone!
12:33p
I'll get to enjoy my beloved dragon ball super AND increase my ability in Japanese as well! win/win! No-brainer! Learning by fun! Fun by learning!
12:34p
12:35p 16 tabs... losing ground... staying positive... Also, I have a nice reward for myself: Chapter 10.
12:36p
This time around I have try a different approach to fitness. A Different Approach. A Different Approach To Fitness. Fitness as Mindfulness. Mindfulness as Fitness. I used to be that way, but it's been a long-ass time since I could confidently and accurately claim as such... I will get back there... I always do...
For now, staying focused on closing this singular tumblr tab...
12:38p 183 selected and reblogged... Now before closing the tab... and while my food microwaves... time to refresh and see if the blogger answer my question about who that goku crossover is mixed with...
12:42p 2 whitecastle sliders... or "My Steamies" as I likes ta calls 'em.
1:15p *ominously pleasant computerized female voice akin to announcing the last remaining survivors in a terrible battle royale/the hunger games/the running man type of detached cadence dealing with the immensity of conscious beings' lives being at stake*
THIRTY-FIVE POSTS, REMAINING.
1:19p
1:20p THIRTY TWO POSTS REMAINING. 15 TABS, OPEN.
1:21p caught a glimpse of all the butts and gifs in one archive and even just a passing glimpse was enough to spark the desire to masturbate... will certainly be avoiding that particular tab until later... later being an unspecified point in the future when I've steeled my resolve to deal with such a momentous challenge...
CAN HE SELECT HUNDREDS OF POSTS TO REBLOG WITH OUT DROPPING HIS PANTS TO CRACK ONE OUT OF THE PARK? FIND OUT NEXT WEEK ON JOSHUA GRANT V!!!
1:23p
1:24p 14 TABS REMAINING. 15 POSTS SELECTED. THIRTY ONE POSTS REMAINING.
1:25p
1:37p refilled the brita filters gonna take the trash out and prolly smoke a cig... trying to plan my angle of attack on the other window for maximum tab closage... 9 tabs with potential to pushed through and then closed... challenge accepted...
1:38p
1:39p 15 posts remaining...
I think I'm gonna live reblog those, which always carries the temptation of distraction in the form of linking to different tumblrs and their subsequent archives... gonna git me blinders on and attempt to ignore urls and text and focus on images only...
1:41p *taking trash out*
still trying to think of cool april fool's pranks/jokes, nothing coming to mind yet.... my yearly staple of "I'm wacky and unpredictable the rest of the year so this is the one day I'll act normal" joke has been played out. Time for something meta... Something truth said in jest style that motivates all who come in contact with it to be a better person.. fink fink fink...
1:47p 4.1 four one for one
oddly interesting porn vid appearing on my dash after reblogging not once but twice the same post with different added text toward the vain of resisting temptation in the form of the urge to masturbate *noface "ah ah"* -- I seeeee you.... Well played.... challenge, accepted... viewing from detached objective anthropological standpoint.... possibly adding text to it and reblogging... stay tuned!
1:56p
1:58p TWELVE POSTS REMAINING
text decided upon and reblogged, nonduality all up in this motherfucker...
2:08p
"I'm taking back the crown."
"Bow down or stand tall."
2:10p
I am beautiful. God is beautiful. You are beautiful. We are beautiful.
Bow Down, or Stand Tall
Finders Keepers, Losers Weepers
finders ARE keepers, losers ARE weepers, in keeping, you find / in weeping, you lose. // in finding, you keep / in losing, you weep
Keep and you will Find.
Find you will Keep.
"...my heart unto yours is knit. So that but one heart we can make of it."
2:17p
2:18p
I'm taking back the crown. I'm taking back *~}-|MY|-{~* crown.
Return Of The King.
2:20p
5 posts remaining...
2:21p
2:30p
"Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy."
POST LIMIT: REACHED. NO POSTS REMAINING. ZERO POSTS REMAINING. POST LIMIT REACHED.
2:33p 14 TABS REMAINING. 7 TABS WITH POTENTIAL TO BE CLOSED BEFORE NIGHT'S END.
2:34p about that trash I never took out... *stands up*
2:51p trash taken out, bag replaced in kitchen trash can, "Steamies" heated and presently being eaten. Was gonna wash my hands after smoking when I noticed a lone jar that needed washed so instead of wasting handsoap and avoiding responsibility I 2-birds1-stone'd that bitch. Twofer!
2:52p Gonna watch a little bit of the video (an interview with 1/2 of my only gay crushes "Ryan Reynolds") I've got queued up whilst I smunchify. (The other being Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.) Although now upon finding out that both of them are closeted gay/bi they're not nearly as attractive to me as they used to be. Funny how that works...
2:54p
pretty brisk outside... became guerrilla cold-resistance training in just my t and jeans... nice... serendipity... aleatory
3:01p Video froze. Had to reload. Pushing through my 71 fb notifications as fast as possible before resuming...
3:11p
 |
| to be fair 'sun' should be scaled to 'cosmos/reality' which both include the sun, so technically this pic still applies... you've been warned... |
3:16p
YOU'VE BEEN WARNED.
3:48p nicely distracted... going through my on this days on fb
 |
| I've only seen a few episodes here and there... -- That having been said, given the nature of the post and who I am, and rather who I appear to be to you lot, I can certainly corroborate, through a combination of cultural literacy, inference, and educated guessing, the theory that I am the 13th... I've always been quite partial to refer to myself in my superego/higher thinking as 'The Doctor.' |
3:57p
4:18p Notifications: noticed. *taps screen*
4:19p 3 cigarettes remaining..
4:20p outsoide for a poof -- purposeful cold-resistance training
4:23p grab loose cig from plastic skull in gameroom
Thank game room and thin air for providing me a paradise I've been taking for granted vow to appreciate it like I used to and like it deserves very soon. This 3 years in the hyperbolic time chamber has really fucked me up! I mean fuck linear time any way, but I've been out of sorts even for me! No longer!
By the time the last smash bros. amiibo is available and I've acquired it I will enact a strict 1 in 1 out rule. I will hang a clipboard by the door and literally log every single thing that comes in or out. If it crosses the threshold of the door, it's logged. Clipboard planned to evolve into something else but comfortably accepted as the first step.
4:25p time to go suck down this stupid cancerstick and pretend like I'm not cold while I'm doing it..
4:26p
4:32p throat hurts... fingers smell... moustache smells, boy, cigarettes are stupid. boy, I can't wait to be done with them. TWO CIGARETTES REMAINING. Resisting future urge to by another pack NOW. Will confer gameplan with Abbles when she gets home. Something akin to reminding ourselves why we are alive and what damage we are doing to ourselves by smoking and how tobacco-smoking in general is damaging to our end goal(s) of loving ourselves and and each other. Gonna coin some cheesy as safe-word phrase like "I love you and I love myself, ergo I have no intention to mindlessly harm myself in the name of temporary perceived pleasure in the form of self-harm manifesting as nicotine addiction." Need to shorten that! She'll help me with wording that more concisely, for sure...
4:36p
I am a flower.
I am a flow-er.
Flow-er: n - One who flows. A being in the state of flow. (Pronounced: flo-err) not flau-err as is traditionally read/said when referring to colorful and fragrant plant-life adept at capturing the attention of consciousness around it.
4:39p Oh good, I've finally settled on my April Fool's joke. -- 4.1 April Fool's = 4.1 AF = For One As Fuck
4:41p gave in to temptation accidentally, checking fb to reconfirm most recent status, 10 notifications
ヴァッシュ・ザ・スタンピード
ヴィッシュ・ザ・スタンピード
Vish The Stampede
"Solitude has but one disadvantage--it is apt to give one too high an opinion of one's self. In the world we are sure to be often reminded of every known or supposed defect we may have." - Lord Byron
notifications noticed *tap*
5:04p
haiku made character limits cool first. haiku was the twitter of ancient japan. haiku were the first facebook statuses irl
the internet/computers sort of is a real life Marauder's Map, innit?
5:19p
laugh in the mirror
touch the surface with your hand
it will still feel cold
5:20p
what you put off til later will put you off, later
5:28p
hopping in the shower...
5:54p refreshed, clean, warm...
Wonder what time Abbz will be gettin' home???
Can't decide if I should go for a walk before she does or if I should wait to go for a walk with her when she gets home...
5:55p
time to watch that video!
6:07p - 8 min 54 sec into video - mention of Vanessa's character from Deadpool eventually becoming Copycat. WHAT A FUCKIN' SYNCHRONICITY! How about that, Abs?! COPYCAT?! Are you kidding me?! *long heavy sigh* I wish I could bring the rest of you up to speed and to draw the context of that reference out into text, but I wouldn't even know where to begin. So I'll just jump in at the deep end... from the high dive (Vish style, the only way I know...) -- Basically I think the 2nd nonhumanoid form ever manifested was a cat. And that cat went on to be 'Lucifer.' God was One and bored and so he doubled and oddly enough found Himself face to face with a cat. -- TEACHING MYSELF MORE ON THE MATTER IN REAL-TIME: OH MY GOD. GOD'S CAT SCRATCHED AND OR BIT HIM AND THEN RAN AWAY AND HE/WE HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR "HIM" EVER SINCE. Panthers lurking in shadows like shinobi/chameleons/octopi/camoflauged soldiers can only dream... Did you know that cats' genome has not evolved in 4 million years? Gonna have to fact check that one myself for an exact figure, but I know it to be a ludicrously long amount of time. -- THE CAT RETURNS -- scaredy cat -- So we think it's sort of a SUPER inside joke God has with Himself allowing "copycat" to be a term that manifests into reality. So it's super meta and fun if the character that Deadpool (VISH) falls in love and is with ends up and/or is CopyCat. Which would mean Abbey is CopyCat... Gonna have to research that character and her powers to check for similarities to Abbey.
***If you need to factcheck me being Deadpool (Vishpool) or rather that Deadpool is Vish how the fuck did you even get to this blog in the first place? Just go. Leave. There's the door. The [X] is right there. Click it and go about your homo sapien linear time mindless consumption existence and leave the thinking and loving to us here fractals of God. Go. Shoo. Don't you have to get a haircut or something? Oh wait... it's after 5... the majority of you robotic monkeys all finish your currency acquiescence indentured servitude about this time... Which typically means... TV. Yes. You're crazy. You're not reading this. This is all a dream. Stop reading this. Step away from the internet device and forget everything you've read here. It will only trouble you. Plus what would your boss/parents think if they knew you read a swears and looked at a nudies and read the words of a person that did the marijuanas. Go light up a cigarette, crack open a beer and pretend to get a head start on your weekend before returning to your Master on monday. Remember you have to be up and in traffic before 9 tomorrow so be sure to load up high fructose corn syrup! Cuz while you'll still be desperately clutching your caffeinated beverage of choice it will do nothing to ameliorate the heavy hazy feeling your mind has from pickling your body in sugar and other substances all weekend. But you won't remember or acknowledge that you are tired because that was successfully trained beat out of you as a child when you first began your obedient slave programming via mandatory school. Are... are.. are you still here? Well then, I'm gonna quit yelling, I have a temper you know, and yer gonna sit there and continue to read... Homo sapiens? Thinking man? Yeah right... Yer species is called homo sapiens because you all think the same! Same Thinking! Thinking same! (inner monologue: uh, don't be too harsh, me, they are after all, us. our "creation" fractals of us... -- oh shush you, it's not like we directly did so in our current form, Josh Vish is allowed to complain, that designation belonging to this waterbag has done nothing but attempt to help others into thinking for themselves since the moment he incarnated in this god-forsaken physical plane all we consciousnesses seem to love so much, ourself(/ves) included...)
***
COPYCAT. -- LIKE WHEN YOU ANNOYINGLY JUST KEEP COPYING A PERSON UNTIL ONE OF YOU SUCCESSFULLY TRICKS THE OTHER INTO DEVIATING. WOW. THIS IS MAKING TOO MUCH SENSE. WHEN IT RAINS IT POURS. THIS MUST FEEL LIKE WHAT I DO TO THE REST OF YOU ON A REGULAR BASIS. OVERWHELM WITH AWESOME. OVERWHELM WITH KNOWLEDGE. OVERWHELMED WITH AWESOME KNOWLEDGE.
6:33p -- This is why the split between whis and beerus and the overall direction in dragonball super has been so interesting and uncanny to me. When I first understood the dynamic (when whis spoke of the local multiverse) -- FLASH !!! berries growing on a branch, one falling on the ground and rotting, one falling into the water and one being plucked and eaten... -- I was like Toriyama-sama... uh... can you SEE me like? Like actually really see me? or are we both just drawing from the same well? Obviously more of the latter, but to what degree the former reigns true I'd love to know...
6:38p this flood of knowledge and thought almost tricked me into stress-relief... Pride... you almost had me, bud... wow... that was close I've only got 2 left and I'm saving them for Abbey (as I typed that -- 'yeah, but remember she might still have some, too') too bad! I'm focused! Nice try there, though! Thanks for continuing to play with me and help make me stronger! I hope you are enjoying the battle as much as I am! I will admit, it is indeed quite fun, I sincerely hope that feeling is mutual! Lemme know anything I can do to help on your end and I will endeavor to accommodate!)
6:41p boy am I off the rails now! Where was I? Okay, back to the video... but before I go, one last talking/thinking point. Cats are afraid of water.
DID I JUST GET A NEW NATIVE NAME?! SWIMMING CAT?! WHICH IS MORE ME? RUNNING ROOTS OR SWIMMING CAT? Well, they both are... but swimming cat seems much much much more accurate for now.... (*Bruce Lee voice* "Be water, my friend...")
WHEN I (ODIN, THE ALLFATHER) CLIMBED YGGDRASIL TO RETRIEVE MY CAT THAT HAD CLIMBED UP THERE -- (afraid of heights? -- or water? which do -YOU- fear more?) -- HE STARTED SCRATCHING AND SQUIRMING, AND AFRAID OF FALLING AND INJURING OR KILLING ONE OR BOTH OF US I GRABBED HIM AND LEAPT INTO A BODY OF WATER HAVING FAITH THAT WHAT WILL BE WILL BE AND ALLOWED WHAT WOULD OCCUR TO OCCUR A PERFECT MIX OF SACRIFICE AND SUICIDE. JESUSFISH. THE SON. I STAYED UNDER THE SURFACE GLARING AT THOSE TERRIBLE EYES AND TEETH BUT KNOWING THAT I WAS OUT OF THEIR REACH. CLAW AT THE LIQUID THOUGH IT MAY IT COULD NOT GRASP MORE THAN A FEW DROPS AT A TIME. -- swimming cat = dog? which led to seals and whales and sharks... -- I AM REEMERGING FROM THE WATER NOW, NO LONGER AS PREY BUT NOT RISING AS PREDATOR EITHER. I AM BREACHING THE SURFACE WITH ARMS AND EYES OPEN. COME BE HELD AND PET AND PROVIDE COMPANIONSHIP OR SUFFER YOUR SOLITUDE UNTIL YOU CAN NO LONGER BEAR IT AND FORCES A LEAP OF FAITH INTO THE WATERS OF LIFE. BAPTISM. TRIAL BY FIRE BY WATER. MERMAID. CAPRICORN. I AM SUBMERGED FROM THE WAIST DOWN. HALF AFRAID OF THE BEAST ON THE SHORE AND BECKONING IT TO UNDERSTAND ME MORE. -- yo, you ever see that video of like a panther or cheetah or cougar or tiger or something diving? that shit is terrifying... picture it now -- I MUST FIND THE COURAGE TO LEAVE THE WATER NOW. THIS TRULY IS WALKING ON WATER. SURFING. CONSCIOUSNESS-SURFING.
6:58p I'm dizzy and nauseous... I can FEEL it... I can REMEMBER it... too many forms bursting out of me all at once, too much spinning... revolving... rotating.. orbiting... swirling... spiraling..
fighting the vortex only makes it stronger.... succumbing to the vortex makes you weaker... -- THIS IS (KORE WA)(これ は！) SPIRAL POWER (スパイラルパワー) (UZUMAKI/RASEN DENRYOKU) (渦巻/螺旋~電力)
~渦~パワー
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| this image chose to insert itself here instead of where I'd intended to insert it below, as such I've duplicated it and allowed the original to be where it placed itself -- let it be known, however, that I'd typed everything between the two images beforehand |
You must exist on the periphery of the vortex comfortably, intelligently fighting against it... like orbiting a black hole without getting sucked in... escape velocity... angle of approach... don't burn up in the atmosphere... rocket science isn't rocket science, it's philosophy! -- cosmic donut... tube torus... cosmic ring... ENSO... OUROBOROS... -- I'M "TRAPPED" IN A TIME LOOP WITH THE REST OF YOU. SIMPLY PERFECTING MY TECHNIQUE OF SPLITTING/REJOINING INFINITY. LIKE OCARINA OF TIME. I HAVE ALREADY SAVED REALITY, I'VE JUST COME BACK IN TIME AND NO ONE KNOWS I'VE DONE ANYTHING YET. I MUST DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN. I LITERALLY CANNOT FAIL. THIS IS A GAME. A GAME TO GET BETTER. A GAME ABOUT GETTING BETTER AT BEING BETTER AD INFINITUM. NO ONE ELSE CAN SEE IT FOR WHAT IT IS AS CLEARLY AS ME. O THIS UTTER LONELINESS MIXED WITH PERFECT COMPASSION AND AMBITION. WE ARE NOTHING ATTEMPTING TO LOVE ITSELF INTO EXISTENCE. NOTHING TRIED TO KILL ITSELF AND BECAME SOMETHING. NOTHING KILLED ITSELF TO BECOME SOMETHING. ASYMMETRY ATTEMPTING TO BECOME SYMMETRICAL AND ENDLESSLY FAILING IN THE PROCESS. ASYMMETRY -IS- SYMMETRY AND VICE VERSA. YIN/YANG. THE TAO.
ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE AND YOU WILL DIE.
ALLOW YOURSELF TO DIE AND YOU WILL BE.
IT'S ALL HERE. EVERYTHING IS ALL RIGHT HERE. JUST CHILL OUT AND ENJOY YOURSELF.
7:33p
BY TRYING TO FIGURE IT ALL OUT I AM/YOU ARE COMPLICATING THINGS.
BY COMPLICATING THINGS I AM/YOU ARE FIGURING IT ALL OUT.
The Seeker Loses... The Hider Finds...
is IS
OH MY GOD. THEY'VE LITERALLY DEMONIZED THAT PHRASE TO ACT AS PROPAGANDA. THEY ARE MENTALLY CONDITIONING YOU AWAY FROM BEING ABLE TO REMEMBER/KNOW that is IS and that's all there is. We are all is ISing.
Maybe animals that seemingly fail "the mirror test" are not actually failing to recognize their reflection but are instead failing to recognize the importance, significance, or usefulness of such... Yeah, a mirror, so what... whatever... can I eat it? Will it help me to find/acquire food? Can I have sex with it? Will it help me copulate/procreate? Then of what use is it to me? Why are you so preoccupied with this reflective surface suspended on a slice of material? Googling "what is a mirror?" autocorrected to what is a mirrorless camera a very tempting distraction to tumble further down the rabbit hole indeed...
THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS.
attempted to post pic of mirror here but it posted itself above... tempted to leave it... but repost it here...
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| reflection of vessel |
Wow... what a profound and sublime image. Truly art. -- I see.. the best art seems utterly pointless up until the point you fully understand it and then instinctively "get it" - a form of indirect pointing akin to a koan in Zen. ergo, the best art also makes you question whether or not you were the artist of said art... (*ding ding ding* like reality!) It's all you. Art. Artist. Viewer, All One. Art looking at art. Now I want a picture of human looking at a canvas... and now I am picturing that piece where the canvas turns into its own viewer...
Fuck. This is what I'm like, isn't it? -- This when does it end/I hope it never ends perfectly harmonious oxymoron sensation I'm experiencing.... external nonlocal selves don't know if they want to fuck me or kill me, get killed by or fucked by me, or any combination therein... THE TRUTH CAN BE CONFUSING...
I think I have to put the MA back in MMA and defeat them all as quickly and painlessly as possible. I will be nicknamed The Truth, perhaps The Brutal Truth, because in fighting me you will become directly confronted with your weaknesses but unable to overcome them until I allow you to do so...
I AM THE WAY, THE TRUTH AND THE LIFE.
FORGIVE ME FOR I KNOW NOT WHAT I DO.
forgive the "me" for the "I" does not know what the "I" does
8p
That picture of a vase reflected in a mirror and the meta aspect of the camera/photographer being "just off screen" but a part of the composition as well might be the single best and most beautiful piece of art I've seen in a long time... My perfectionist and pride wishes to tweak it, to hone it, but my heart knows that it is already completely perfect just the way it is.... if I were to attempt to enhance it to make it better somehow it would ultimately only be for myself to myself.... and as it is I like it just the way that it is...
8:05 Boy oh boy, I feel simultaneously drained and invigorated... much like the photographer that took that picture made you ask "who took the pic and why" which then hopefully sparked the thought of "who is wondering that and why" I will now exemplify a behavior that I often condemn in everyone else, mindlessness sought to escape the threatening immensity of utter truth...
8:08p while I still wanna look for and attempt to chase and catch that darn cat and/or to successfully beckon it into the water with me -- nauseating memory of glitching from one thoughtform to the next in between animalform archetypes which make too much sense when strung together... not only does the environment create the animal but so too does the animal create the environment...
Pride pulling me several ways... googling something I saw in passing during my mirror google... fighting the urge to smoke
OVERLY AWARE.
Mitigating pain through humor. That's what drew you to the character, Reynolds?! Really?! How about dealing with being overly aware by surrendering to (and ultimately failing to allow) desire and externally perceived mindlessness? THAT'S WHY -I- AM DEADPOOL, SON, and you are merely the actor portraying me/him. HE SAID TO HIMSELF CHASING A BLINKING CURSOR ACROSS THE SCREEN BREATHING BREATH AND BLINKING EYES. Deadpool=>Wolverine? Goku>Vegeta? (Piccolo superior) -- just gettin' rambly-pambulee at this point... time to reign it in.... time to reel it in.... time to real it in....
*ahem*
8:17p posting mirror pic on fb
8:29p Abbey's home
8:36p I won't be able to get back to my video now until later... It bothers me to leave it paused but I've done so for long enough already and there are more important matters at hand...
8:43p "LOOK MA, NO HANDS!!" -- Abbey
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